Hey peeps i ve moved. ask me for my new ad... yeah if u think i ll give it to you.
try me. i m nice.
bet ur oculomotors are stimulated alr. its called rollin ur eyes.
the kiss of I would understand. at
4:49 AM
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i havent been here in years. i plan to return but maybe when i dunno life gets more spice.
nope not goin to happen i m still going to be ranting.
today was valentine.. seein today sis no longer today and seein how i ve learnt to add an additional 12 hrs to each day.
its amazin relaly.. i have added more hours to a i mean my days.. but but.. it means lower productivity.. bigger mess and sleepier nick.. with a bit of ptosis.. droopy eyelids
in any case lets see where i m sandin now eh..
i dunno iseem to have make pulling outof my cca a sport lately.. i ve been pullin out and not givin ath hndred percent..
stil ljugglin alto but with a lot less discipline and slack.. which is really a bad thing.. i m startin to fee lworried..
its that period where exams are here.. med stress is buildin up..minus the i m nto really feeli nthe stress part.. i dunno why.. i m scared i cant go on hols.. retain or wadeva.. yeah those fears are stil lvery much latent..
but i have become distracted.. findin all excuse at takin breaks.. i m less mtivated to run to lean to read to mocve my ass to the study room..
i feel frenless and lonely most of the time liek no one understand me.. i m nto enjoyin ath i m doin.. esp my weekends.. i m takin way more naps.. wathcin way too may serials with uninhibition.. i feel liek i m spinnin out of ctrl.. i m not even exactly enjoyin the learnin of the new lang..
ther eare of cos two ways t olook at it.. i can be realyl hard on myself(in the case its really prefered)
the other i can be honest.. who am i kiddin.. lessons for bahasa are really at insaen pace.. med really reqds every ounce of impossible human ability.. i m fallin sick.. i need alife.. n oharm watchin u tube every now and then.. cmon doin well now.. doesnt mean ..
yada yada.. i spend too much time online.. btu my interaction with humans is almost nil..
i feel so bitter easily these days..
and yes today is vday. an i did everythign alone.. so unlike me.. one point ot the home team that understands..
i m quite amazed.. am i cahngin or is that the right diagnosis?
i know m life is not screwed up yet.. i mean its almost perfect if u look at it fro mthe outside.. hell i look at other;s and i thk to myself.. shessh i wouldnt want to be u.. but i dun want to b me either..
doomed to thi life of misery and deprssion..esp with cny approachin..oh hello relatives is there any way i can escape u..
all of u.. shessh. i thk i ll never be happy..
is it cos i need osmeone to fil lteh void.. need a gf? need a fan club?
eh i dunno. i thk i need a bigger room but either way i be just as disorganized.. and mess up.. buti need a bigger room to walk abt take afew strolls up and down the isle before the names ofa ll12 cranial nerves register. ther eare twelve right.. o kjsut checkin..
di need to treat ppl beter? no way i thk i m nice alr.. aybe i m abit too sensitive btu what he hell.. i feel used in 90 percent of my relationships..l iek ppl oni look for me when they need help..and when there is fun to be shared.. oh count nick out.. i mean no one even wished me happy vdday today.. without me initiatin.. well of cos the qn is agn.. well why cant u initiate first.. or worse.. does it really matter if no one cares.. cant u live ur own life.. do u ve to be affeted by other.. my mum prob thks hey u know son.. u be much better off than where u re if u didnt spend all ur time findin faults with the little things in life..
hmm right but hte little things make us who we are.. eew cliche.. no no no.. i get it nick.. u want to be the center of attraction.. u wished ppl worship u.. isnt that so?>
no.. no i dun i just wished pp lopenly cared more.. honest. i wlk that empty street on the boulevard of broken... its like.. gd if u do well lucky ass. . not surprisin.. and oh u re screwed if u dun..
scenario.. what if i fail .. u knwo just totally do badly.. screw up. .i thk i ll have no more frens alr.. and they say if thats the case then u have no real frens.. point proven case close.
ah at last just let me die please.. there is no better scenario mummy.. i m either here or dyin somewhere else.. i l lbuy glens theory if not for army i ll be overseas.and that in itself is a very sensitive issue.. i wanna play the survivor game.. be trapped on an island and thats not the thing.. make sure everyone starts with zero score.. meanin no one knows each otehr b4 that.. gdness with such arguments i can make myselfa genetist with string of qualifications to my name..
and then brag abt how i spent vday on this very day.
the kiss of I would understand. at
9:38 AM
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