Saturday, December 23, 2006
well wadya know.. xmas is tomorrow. of all the year i claim that i really can get no festive xmas wadeva spirit.. this yr tops the charts.. i dunno. it feels liek just aanother day another yr.. nth special.. maybe its gettin old and all.. buteven then old ppl i have seen hapy bunch gettin all joyful abt tomorrow..
alright so we must rmb the meanin of xmas.. yeah it sure means alot.. i mean we all know the stories and all.. and all the commercial attachemnts.. the presents.. buti jusr wanna say that i feel really detached fro mthe world right now.. cosfrankly i feel like i can live alone.. be alone.. and thats all i wanna be..ell almost..
before i sound like a pathetic grump..imean grinch.. i recalli used to be quite an xmas nazi la.. haha oh wells.. its eve.. noplans till countdown at night.. prob go to church later.. but i just woke up and its 12 alr.. i have never been sucha a slop..wakin up past ten is like.. woa too much of a .. but then i have never slept past three either.. and these days nto sleepin at all seem to gt along fine with me...
so what have i been up to this hos actuali..seems t be a qn i have to ans quite often on msn.. and frankly the ans is kinda fuzzy cosi m not sure.. it seems that timereally eludes me now ... erm now that its not schoolin..ok wait a second time has always eluded.. time flies no matter what.. and i still feel liek i m in twilight zone .. i mean like.. bloody hell a yr went by..and this is what life would poosibly like for many yrs t ocome.. ok i m rally like an old grinch..
everytime i think of my frens now.. i do all the time actuali.. both the new ones and old ones.. but more of the old ones.. cos the new ones.. well the ones from nus.. im kinda leadin their lives..almost.. btu the old onrs.. many it eludes me.. i dunno i miss them badly.. where are they now how life is liek from them..
they will prob not understand what i feel like yet anyway.. u know.. sergeants doin COS ..book in and out..short a few days leave.. feastin oni on weekends..dota.. lazin ard.. maybe and then goin back to an almost prison style life.. sorry.. i m not sayin that i m havin a much better time.. i dun.. trust me..
it still feels like anat paper was yesterday..and i havent had much of a break.. ok maybe not.. i did ve alot of break..i watched one a nda half season of prison break in 4 days.. i tht it was overkill..but i knwo of ppl..haha who have watched more serials in shirter periods of time.. actauli i feel pretty darn good.. i havent really hang out or chilled out much this hols.. u know.. last time dec..i ll prob be in town catchin up with a diofferent person everyday.. or u know.. even trg hard..
but i kinda really miss stayin at home now.. and travelin out jsut means spendin money.. burnin that hole there..
and it seems rpretty meaningless to catch up with ppl cos i feel that everyone is worlds apart.. ironic right.. u actuali catch up with ppl to wanaa know how they are doin..amybe the real deal is that the ppl i really wanna catch up with..icant get to them..so dun bother.. haha yeah i thk thats the real.. deal..but well stil lahve two weeks to fix that.. and get my lazy ass of the couch..
i ve bee nteachin sitl tho. .and is not bad.. money is gd motivation..its one of my prime actuivity this mth i guess.. and i m really in luck.. one of my students fam..got me a big log ccake that tok up the space of y almost the whole fridge.. really big xmas ccake.. u feel really blessed and lucky when u teach such families.. hey are alwasy so nice..one night it was late and rainy and the mum drove me home.. it makes collectin money from them almost guilty.. and i realluy hope the kids do well.
well i hope everyone does well no matter where or what la..
la.. i know darn well wads missin ,. the person i ve spent my laast 4 5 years of xmas with is goin to tour europa the next day.. boo.. but i do wonderwad its like.. u know walkin london..alone with all he shops closed on xmas.. most of ur frens back home.. but its like in love actualli..well almost ..u know deprived ppl like us here can oni muster vague imagination.. of wad it be like in london town.. heh.. sigh btu possibly lonely too..
at least in sg.. there isfamiliarity.. i m sure there is wherever u are now.. but thereis a big gin gang of "frens" to hang out iwht., like u will never be alone.. which is wad i m doin tonight... settler;s cafe! countdown. kinda excitin no? yeah not bad la.. i thk its a lr a blessin to haeve freens in uni..it felt darn hard to get to anyone at first.. and i m really hapy that te hall ppl are a cool bunch i can hang out with..right i do count my blessings..
but still i wonder how life be like.. u know how different.. i dunno it seems that many things changed this yr..it is like the settling year.. i know that fate..can change like the winds.. but this yr..it seem to ve set so many things in place.. unless sth unfortunate haens.. imena one ccan always screw up his studies and belah lets not go there..
haha i have been thinkin of also how i would feeel if i was confined at home likejz.. seriously i thk he is pretty tough.. as if surgery and havin to be in a cast for the next 6 mths or weeks isnt bad enuff..on dec hsi fam goes back to taiwan and he is all alone hee with on ihe weather to remind him of taipei.. pretty dauntin eh..but i did my part la.. haha ikept him company almost everydya.. haha sigh i must count my blessings..
btu its horrible to have to look into other ppl shoes b4 u count ur ownblessin.isnt that the mind of someone so selfish.. hha like "look at hte kids in africa, they are sufferin..damni shud fee lblessed" i mean if ur miserable u re miserable.. everyone has got different defn thresholsd and understandin of that word no? yeah there is alwasy poor little rich kid..
some pp ldo it for love.. ha i spend a lot of time thinkinabt the charactersin prison break..ha ok its a ficticiousshow.. but if u thk abt everyone lives.. u realise.. some pl maybe the way they are all tehirlives.. after all fiction is a rflection of real life.. or how the creator sees it to be.. everyone wants different things differently..some are foolish so pure hearted.. so lovin.. like my bro.. u know theydun thk much easily contented.. and they are blessed.. luck jsut keeps goin their way..and then there are the thinkers.. those who know wads goin on.. those whoaregeniuses..in ctrl.. but they are never happy..and it seems like hurdles are the oni thing that get them in life.. pretty darn real in life ifu ask me.. it can fee llike obstcales after obstacles..
and we are tht to look at the bright side of life.. but i beliee its not sth everyone can do.. itruly believe i ll always be a sad case..
no matter where i get.. i thk i l lnever be satisfied..
but hell its xmas.. so lets try to be happy.
i liek sight seein tho..esp with..the right company.
things could be simple. but i cant help it.. forced t osee otherwise.
all i see is pain..
merry xmas.
the kiss of I would understand. at