Onaji sora shita

sigh thk doc ng is fallin sick. but its prob mental. itsn ot my sick period yet..
xmas is comin..damn i feel so loney. today is my bro s bday and i jsut checked into hotel la edward to do my laundry and met my fellow colleague.. weiliang doin is laudry..actualli i saw this discarded lab coat on the machine and i guessed it was his..

u know somehow ha oni guys are that..

nonchalant anw ha i wore that lab coat qutie a few tiems so paiseh always too forgetfu lforget to bring my to the lab and its a size too big and i was makin lame mg s jokes.. poof..

but yeah..its a really lonely existence.. exams.. ard the corner.. sheesh.. i mean cas..u knwo ppl cas.

sigh and i jsut came from well lited town dinenr ..candele light steak and all.. my bro;s bday..adn post o's celebration..students all ard.. celebratin in big groups.. dman i feel so old.

and my bro receiveth egift of speakin in tongues today..hmm.. thats really fast.

man what am i doin.. thinkin.. my mind so belongs someone else..

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:04 AM .

this is a sappy night. listenin to jay chou and really old songs.. not sure howi got into this mood.. or why i m here now or look like that..

i could well be in the study room which is really unhygenic.. smells like crap filled ith inconsiderate ppl like myself who are bored to their..so bored that they start behavi nirrationally..rockin their chairs back and forth singin weird songs.. chinese i guess..there is so much to study really no need for the shock looks..we all know.

but i took a break today..i declared it a no study day..well the time now is 5am so yeah its long over... i wish england was online but to ka ku ni..

so what did i do on this no study day..hmm firstly its no study day cos the last two daysi studied quite hard for anat i thk.. hah well at least by my stsndards la.. u know everythign in life is relative.. how much an individual can take is relly.. like u know if some ppl kneew how much i study they will thk that im mad.. but on the other hand there be ppl who be like..

anw i believe looksa re relative too ..so everyone can be gd lookin..it depends on surroundin displacement. oops.

nick u re such a bimbo. right so i studied damn hard.. for FA and i tht it went not too bad.. i could do most of the qns. .but well at least i m contended la. .i hipe cas be liddat.. but i guess many ppl with my reults today will prob be so disastified with htemselves they wan shove a scapel up their..gut. right. or i could htk of worst things u know..

like runnin runnin for one anda half hr at almost 12 am.. and not to mention gettin lost.. btu it felt really great..haha i was thinkin of usin the word amazin but then agn.. hmm haha i went erunni nwit hdarius.. i dunno i never could turn frens down if hey wanted ath frm me.. i guess thats my weakness.. eso if u re a new fren i dunno very well i always feel liek i shuld accomodate.. yeah its tirin to be nick.. btu it fu ntoo.. cos after runnin we went t ofong xin ate prata.. and talked abt lots of stuff.. haha its relly cool i mean he is the reall ycool darius.. yeah he isa really coo ldude not to mention damn gd lookin.. suave intelligent.. and all.really deep guy.. hmm yeah i almost sound like i m leani nto the over side.. but nah its pre good admiration..haha.. right RIGHT it was awkward when he said he tht i was really good lookin..cos u knw he is the darius.. all the girls from other facs asks me to show them who darius is.. haha btu well.. u get the point

its really ncie to i dunno listen to jay dude mumblin at night.. adn the fact that i can recite most of his mumblings.. with my eyes readin detox.. is proof of how i totally adore him. .s

hais why do we all lead such diff lives..why.. who would ve tht.. or knoe wad it be like to be bloggin at 5sam ke hall..stufdyin detox belongin ot an elistist grp of ppl who believe theyare fro the ong loo li nsch of medicine.. a prestigious postion awaits their shoes for fillin.. but nevertheless.. it is really prestigious. .i believe no t so much intellectually..i would liek to thk its a great respectable job cos u re lovin ppl.. and u have to have that desire to love ppl.. desre to love ppl.. sounds so off.. btu ok forgive me its 5am.. but yeah.. wether u re in it for the money prestige or some true callin.. we are all takin CA1 in less than three weeks.. relatiy check nick u should stop deluding urself..

anway i went for last bi trg b4 ahlls .somehow i get the feeli that hols trg are gonan be dhitty tough btu it be cool..it be like june hols in jc.. uknow esp when u bomd with a team that can be really cool.. yeah..

die i m feeli the need to void agn..i thk i have a weak stomach..esp when exams are near.. the stress builds up..and ihave to be really carefulabt wad i do.. on the other hand runin makes me wanna shit .. its some reflec i have t ofigure .. say defaecate.. right.

i did a lot of exercise today..played tennis.. witha a T gym.. ran 20 plus km.. hk i ll de..my knees fee lliek an old man;s alr.. orthopedics wait for me..

the kiss of I would understand. at 12:05 PM .

i guessi m blogging cos i du n want the site to die.. hais but i really dun have the time . time now is 0345.. man.. any moment it be sweetest dream in england ha.. sigh it be rise and shine for me, well rise no shine..

CAs are ard the corner man. i know i know.. man i hear the voices.. "why are u so mug? wah lau its oni firs tca.. wah lau relax la.. why are u muggin like nocturnal.." hais but i guess i jsut have to say i know myself better.. i have really short attn span.. i have alot of activiites and i know that i have not studied and covered a lot and thats y.. istay up alte.. its funny how human beings feel the need to accountable to strangers at times.. btu nevertheless.. iwish i could tell ppl str.. hey i need to study! i really ahve not studied as much as i liekd to.. (socially delusional)

bleagh.. i thk i m goi nnuts.. but i m still i n the drama highness..
yeah playhse went not bad.. was a relief really.. i hear aloto f compliments from the senior batches esp on how there re are talents i n our batch esp actin talents.. yeah its gd to hear.. i would love to do it agn i guess.. but hopefeulli not a u know stage atwo day play thing..

i dun thk i sound very coherent these days.. i dun thk i can carry out a conversation without leavin ppl in the lurch.. u know ppl go Huh everytime i tell them sth.. maybe its cos of the lack of sleep.. i thk i cant put up proper converations alr.. and i m quite irritable.. maski everything with a fake sense of humour isnt gonan last long...

sigh so much more to cover.. basicall everythng minus head and neck..hmm

well at least trg is more or less comin to a halt.. btu of cos cant afford to rest completely.. sigh..

anw i feel really fortunate to be surrounded by so mnay frens.. and esp fortunate..i mean it really makes my day wehn i receive smses from the old guy frens .. ha yeah not that old.. the facct that they are in army and ve no idea wad life is like to mug til l3 plus every night/day haha btu yeah it means a lot when i get a msg fro mthem.. thanks so much guys..

yeah and my juniors as well..even tho they are strugglin with As this yr..and struggli to get into med haha.. oh man how ironic..

the neighbour have kids rangin fro p sch to all levels of kindergarden..everyone wants to go raffles.. ri rj then loo lin... sigh.. its sucha ..i dunno man kids.. u re gonna lose ur childhood if u compare with the girl that has better grades livin on the ninth floor for instance..

yeah i was listenin to two mothers comaprin their children;s results.. it goes like this" oh my son this time very bad.. the class got ten full amrks and he oni scored 95 out of hundred.. very careless lor" sigh the boy is oni p3 man.. relax.. u wun die..

the whole world doesnt ve to get into an ip prog/ become a geper.. get int oloo lin..snatch that schoalrship..sigh.. jsut becos utr neighbour has a son in med doesnt mean .. i dunno.. my mum gets asked a lot.. " wahh.. so gd got a son in med.. howu do it ah.. what he eat..how he study?" that kinda thing..

sigh ppl ppl.. things come naturally.. (altho its easy for me to say now,, i fondly er hmm recall the nights when i struggled with stack of notes books and exam papers) but still parents.. must knwo that their role really its not to stresso ver their children;s future..not int this sense at leas.t. .give them foodshelther support lots of love adn encouragement.. wadeva they do man..parents dun compare! parents! dun make results the major thing i nlife. sch is supposed to be part of the child;s life.. this small part.. not life itself..

parents.. du ncompare ur kids with thier frens their siblings.. their wadeva.. u knwo. du nput them down all the time..
i du nwant to talk abt myself bUT.. i was compared to neighbour children, to my classmates to so mnay ppl.. mroet han i can rmb..adn it felt bad.. everytine i studied everythiNg i did for a while was to make sure i was beter than someoen else.. and then i always see someone in front. someone i cant overtake..and its a sucky cycle to be in..cmon parents..parenst ..look at urselves.. do u thk if u do the psle now. .u will getwad...280++ oh parents.. do u thk u can do o levels now..
oh parents.. cmon..its a harsh fact but ur child possibly will oni be aas gd as u..aas the sayin go ITS IN THE GENES.. yeah u can stretch it. ucan push them..u can make the mmotivted,give themall the education.. upport fnancial backin..but at the end of teh day parents.. ode to u.. u have to accept that ur child is never goin to be.. micheal jordan..

i feel depressed wen my mum tells me abt how the parents of kids she teach discuss their children.
how children hate tehir siblings..how older siblings look down on younger ones who cant rise up.. how parent dotes on the child that produce more results..

and often..oarents are blind. .they cant see htat they are favourin a child more say subconsciously..TO another jsut becos u thk that child "deserves" more love and praises for doin oh so well

i have nice parents..but stil li growin up being compared.. feelin afraid of everyone ..afraid of losing every day of my life. its not a nice feelin..and its sth u cannot free urself frm..u thk the world wun accept u if iu slip and fail..

and uwill.

and u can grow up hatin a parent for ur lives..that no matter what u necome..ihow e cahnges.. the scar is too great to heal..

and worse of all parents may never understand or see where they have gone wrong.. they have this shield which says.. hey but i gave them all the support.. I SLOGGED like mad for them..

but the child may never think so...

and when he goes mad ..does crime.. he can feel elevated.

i worry alot for the future generation.

the thoughts expressed and incoherent.. till i get my thoraic relationsi n order its unlikely the author can produce anything sane

the kiss of I would understand. at 11:44 AM .

nobody knows the way its gonna be.

hmm ok i aim to sleep earler tonight. 2am.. sigh havent updated or use the coms in eons otehr than to do PBL problem ased learnin.. which is qutie interesting.

i never thought i saw myself readin up extra and so on..but yeah i love my course. just that man the pace is too merciless.
CA is really loomin by and i feel so way behind.. i m alr goin for lesstrg.. prob will make a diff frees up more time and i be less tired.. hais but i dun want to lose wadi ve gained ovrer trg.. sigh.

been sleepin at 3 consecutively at lest i nthe past i too kaft nps but i havent been doin so.. bleagh..
gonna play stephen lim on sat and that will be the last of playhouse.. ha my actin career. bleagh.. i m kinda worried i will screwup.. wads new nick.

i feel likei m in a total diff environment.. weill i am..
but it feels like u know studyin hangin out late into the night readin ..it reminds me of my japan days.. jsut hangin out look at the lamp post outside the study room..enjoyin the novelty of bein alone..stayin up late.. its just that feeli nwhen u get when u re either admitted in the hosp or just travelin alone overseas.. minus the stress..

andi m iss u so.. someone hasnt repliedm y email. bleagh.. prob havin too much fun. heh..
i needa life i guess.. but i cant see myself doin less.. biathlon, swimmin coachin tuition road relay.. playhse which is ending. .and readin textbooks over listenin to lectures..

i guessi a bsolutely ccant survive lectures.. anything more than ten mins and i feel liek i m bein tortured. u see.. thats y i dun have many frens.. or u know wadeva.. i cant stand havin to listen to ppl for too long..oops but isnt that wad a doc i supposed to do...

developin the love and stamina for readin text books is one thing.. but its not very good if ur attn oni lasts the front part and at the end stages of readin ..i m jsut readin the words without gettin the picture..sigh.

ok brain function decreases with lack of sleep too. and i promised to slp earlier.

i wanna go back to japan.
i wanna go back to thedays where i knwo what i m doin
i dun wanna doubt the person i m morphin into
i just wanna smile for no reason at all..

i want t o feel a lot lighter.

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:59 AM .