Tuesday, October 24, 2006
日本語でタイプできる、嬉しい。
あなたの声を聞ける、嬉しい。
スカイプをできる、嬉しい。
でも、僕は毎日、いつかあなたの笑顔を見るかと思う。もちろん，悲しいの感じが心に住んでいます。
実話，忙しい生活、疲れたっだ。
haha its quite hard to type in jap.. but fun. hmm man souldnt be bloggign as usual. the two days hostel break jsut slip by adn here i m typinaway on my white engine. fallin short of all targets as usual. never meeting them.
itried my best t ostudy as much as i could.. maybe the best is jsut .. i dunno..its all in the mind i guess.. on one hand i would liek to believe that the hman spirit can be pushed beyond limits..the key is the mind. o nthe other hand, exasperated me shous i give up.
but then agn have i not alwasy been doubtful. it wouldnt be the first time that i thk i m not gonna make it.
and yeah progress has been slow at best. feelin abit ofa panic attack alr.
feelin fatas well. studyin adn snackin lateinto the night. i feel my heartbeat slightly raise as fatique sets in.
but still i took time off.. to entertain myself.. watched you tube some funy videos.. went blog surfing..and did u knwo those kind of blog personality tests.
this one abt love life says..
You (me) can have oni one true lover.
you will not settle or be happy with change
You have been hurt deeply before
You need to have someone attractive that u can show off.
the type of relationship that suits u best is a marriage.
bleagh. ha shrugs. the topic of love life suld be shelved on one of u know those top shelves where due to a particular dimension disadvantaged i bv reach. yeah.
but anw. i got a msg to remind me abt my yan li bu qian..odd enuff. as these thts were runnin thru me
i still feel so distant. ohanother quiz saays that my vocab sucks..grammar is exceptional maths is genius general knowledge is below average.. haha..
sheesh the thigns i ll do to get metab off my chest.. thorax i mean.
and then.. therare things ican do to feel liek i m frozen i nanother space.
maybe its called schizo..but i feel liek i can dwell i na continuous journaling state. aka talkin to myself..
and sth yu qiang said has bee nmore than resounding..
he said.. are u happy? i believe that u must be happy in life. u must do the things u like.. and not u have to..or feel forced to..now that feels liek an education.
he said.. i didnt seem to enjoy swimmin for hall.. or trg the team.. he say if u liek if u need to study..then study..if u liek to have alot of stuff then go ahead..shouldnt feel pressured or forced. and i wonder wad happiness might mean. i dunno..yeah i like to train teac hswim.. i liek like to like stuff. but then wad makes me happy i dunno..perhaps nth.
perhaps life is meant to be a sequence of disatisfaction. u know u get by u feel releived u du nfeel happy. u du nget by..u go..ugh adn constipated. i dunno.. andi sat at the food court thinkin over wad he said feelin like i was frozen in time.. as if i was runnin and the world might wait for me to return..venous returm..erm no.. but return..
adn i see a man draggin his child literally.. an old man complainin the barber had been too rough on his grand sn;s sideburn..a mother obviously puts on weight after delivery of a few kids.. never regainin her figure.. adn the cleaners.. bitchin and fightin over who was teh last irresponsible colleague of theirs who shun the washin duties.. and he couples.. wh olook eternally angry at each other.. and the couples where oni one is eager to return affection.. and the couples who feel the need to display al ltheir affection.. i listen to the conversations ard me. .and wonder why we all so different.. are al lat the same place and same point of time.. wad happens when ur children grow up..when u have spend this much money $$$24232511938547 on his living expenses.. tuition fees.. adn he leaves u.. and what might u have achieve.. a lifetime of joy..what do u passo n when u leave this plac.e. there is so much i dunno..and i thk of the cadavers swimminin myhead.. how did u end up where u are today.. is everything a form of service even serving up to this point..from the little children who cant keep their hands from overstretchin their clothes to the mums who spank whack slap them on the train..fro mthe eng speakin to the coarse chinese curses..from the sweaty basketballer to the man in tie with hypertension brewing beneath his skin in the arterioles..
where are we..who are we..and we all need some form of healin all of us. no matter how happy. the world displays dsinterest. the cutest kid gets attn for oni a split second.. before he annoys.
buffer me. from all this. return me to a period of ignorance.
i wishi didnt feel so old.
お久しぶり。多分皆さんが私のこともう忘れた。もう大じょぶ。
the kiss of I would understand. at