Friday, October 06, 2006
and it would seem like i woke up with a new name. t onew names and everything so unfamiliar.
somewhere about a text where a coconut find its shores.
and how comei never hear u say or how come i never felt ths way.
to teh sounds of touchy chinese couples in a cold freezing room. where ure pretty sure hygience is in the mind. when inhalin reminds u of carpets present for years. wehre for once u knwo the existence of an immune system. when for once u duno anyone.
and this is whst a gd day would be. goin the distance..for 12 hours str..bein absolutel focused..once in a while u stop life for silly conversations to keep u alive. and u rmb that u re not exactly on an isand u havent been on for ur last nineteen years.. it jsut got smaller..smaller 5 days a week.
and to keep u alive...life is worked out in digits. in mechanical forms. there is jsut so much to doa nd so little energy. nope.
but life is restored when u push the white button.. and it takes so little..a phn ccall a msg.. from an old fren to remind u of the life u had. btu its different now. i m startin to feel stronger but weaker all at the same time. .braver but more afraid.
to get a call from mum.. to make it online to hear an old fren rant abt lecture.. to rmb that there are ppl fightin out there.. for me.. in my place and in battles much worst than my own is to rmb why i m here.. to jsut see ur face even in the digital format..time is a concept of man. i can beattime. i m beter than..it takes so little to find the meaning now.. i m so glad u re out there and well.. to all of u i na land i can oni imagine i m sure i m on one myself .. army frens classmates who are doin well i nother insitutes.. and sch mates.. and even overseas.. esp u.. to see u on skype.. eve nfor ten mins.. i know i dun have to sleep.
and sometimes i m not sure if i woke up.. cos every conversation wit hu peeps now seem lke a dream..but i need the assurance
and the weekends are here once agn. arent u scared.. time is slippin u so quickly. erhaps u will return soon... and perhaps we wil lall e fine by then.. btu til lthen i ll hold on. i need u more than u know. even if its a dream i cant differentiate frm reality i ll let it remain that way.
since u ve been gone
thats all u will ever hear me say.
and i wonder how i ll fee llike i was a cadaver with feelings.. bein proded all over.. at least i died a perpodeful deadth if anythign else.. at leasti m serving a purpose.. btu who would knwo what other purposes served me. wh ocan read my face now.
wh owould know me b4 my skin wrinkles..at a time when my heart was wrinkling.
the kiss of I would understand. at