Wednesday, October 18, 2006
no talent at all.
i feel alot better these days. tired as usual..pressure increasingl building up. but its all fine.
i wanna do really well.. in everything i do btu sometimes things are just not meant to be. everyday we let our standards slip by and eventualli we will be far from ideal and formulate dreams too distant.
swimming coachin is pretty fun.. yu qiang..joined us.. and he as kinda excited abt trg alr i thk. .so i feel really ahppy.. it ups my morale alot.. i mean trag a losing team is one thing.. btu trg a team who is not wllin to train is tough werk.. or rather its not that they are not wilin to train.. they jsut kinda cant finish an st u give them.. adn they keep findin excuse adn crampin.. ok not everyone has the psyche to push themselves and train.. eeryone has a diff pai nand mental threshold i guess.. but that sucks cos if u dun push ursel u ll neverget far.. thats the sad reality.. true there wil lalways be better than u.. but its all abt reducing the numebrs isnt it.. i guessi j ust hate losing.
i believethat i m a bad person a non trusting person in general. i alwasy suspect teh worst in pp andi fearppl are out there to do me in. i dunno i alwasy fee lthat everyone has an ulterior motive and i shuld watc hmy back. but i ugess there are reall ynice ppl out there..and i shud learn to apreciate..i kinda left the equipment at the pool after trg yest.. but well was lucky i manage to rush back intime to get it.. i tht i would be goi nback to get them lone. .btu when yu qiang ran all the way back.. i felt really liek wow.. thi is a great guy.. i was really touched. hmm i guessi shouldlearn to.. be more humble? itsn to that i feel suprios or wad.. ijust havet he tendency to not liek ppl..but yeah i see that soem ppl are not fake and are really that nice.. at times.. eebnt ho they are competitive and keep oni to themelves..
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hais i guess i m just goin in circles abt wad i want to say. btu i thki make a lousy fren .. boy-fren .. son or wadeva..
but i m really glad yu qiang trains now.. eyah..i m sure he be better than me soon..
im exhausted.. i feel that i m not studyin things in depth i m not goin into specific orf trgs.. ineed to go get engorge in the details i guess.. surface mugging is not gd enuff..
mustnt be so easily satisfied.. i must push myself harder.
imust remind myself to be mroe tolerant to be less critical of others.. to be a better person everday..and to feel less irritable and easily aggigtatted, to be less impatient.. it sucks to be me really. i wish i could run away fro mmyself
it was raymond s b day yest. .ordered macs haha.. and they did the knockout hing on me.. deep breaths..stand up..chest compression andi was knocked out..ha took ten seconds for me to recover.. they video the whole thing.. andi had not memory of collapsin when i woke up.. the physiological reason is quite coo ltoo..see ur head needs co2 as a stimulus.. but yeah after takin multiple deep breaths.. u will hyperventilate.. haha then wehn u stand up more blodod wil lrush to ur head.. then eventualli the chest compressio nincrease ur breathing capacity..adn i knocked out onto the ground.. haha i was smilin thruout.. so freaky..adn later ater a few seconds of severe spasms thaen i came back conscious..the girls were freaked out haha.. coool stuff..and they said they never see me smile so happily b4.. haha i was smilin when i was unconscious..
wonder wad ran thru my head haha.. few things make me smile u know.
oh i was tryin ti convince kumaran o join swimmin and he said.. fren.. have u seen an indian swam in ur swimmin ccareer.. seriously indianns cant swim.. they can run but not swim.. haha waddde... ful of rubbish..ahah i told him yrah i wanna see an indian swim.. lol..
honestlyi used to joke abt that all the time.. tt it was quite mean..but to hear it from an indian himself..hahahtats a first.. i ve seen two indians swam i nmy life.. haha te first crammed.. the second.. hmm..ahha
andh e said if he goes down trg i must tell him the name of a girl in hall that i like mght like or use to like.. oh man.. haha
ath la.. i be happy to train him.. haha i saidi ll tell him if he goes down for trg..
haha i m nto the "affectionate item of many girls" pls. .. i have sucha dao and balck face.. and i eat dinenr alone.. haha stupid seniors.
the kiss of I would understand. at