Saturday, August 12, 2006
uni dawns.
plenty of late nights hostel life. sigh i wish i knew more ppl. i feel kinda insignificant now. holding back? maybe.. but i feel scared of ppl. its liek there is a ladder toclimb. and i ll never get there..everyone is kinda dauntin..fair enuff i dunno anyone and no one knows me..but its gets irritatin when u are constantly surrounded by conversations of ppl singin praises abt others..praises are fine but these are often not praises more like idunno gossipin.. "oh so and soi like damn smart..so and so is a pres scholar..so and so got this and that ..O LUM PIAD" yeah these are not praises..sound more liek words of envy..i dunno it seems so different..its nto like i come from a lousy sch mind u.. btu my frens generally nv talk liddat..i ve been surrounded by brillant and ingenius ppl too..but yeah we dun..well there is no need to display ur tinge of jealousy?
yeah hais the yare so caught up it their own world..it makes pp lfeel excluded..i dunno i m glad i went to vj.. the msot we go..so and so runs rdamn fast.. and so and so..its normally abt sportin ablilty and teasin each other..haiyo..ppl dun be so studies oriented.. i mean yeah do well for urself can..
hall life..well sadly the hall pplare alr all qutie close to one another alr..i kinda miss home..the tht of oni goin home on weekends is pretty shitty..jolene is in my hall too..yeah known her for darn long..was telli nwoon yang oh we know each other for darn logn alr.. she was quick to add btu not very well la..cos it was oni in p sch.. jc we were nto that close too..
yeah but i guess she would nv have guessed..she gave me this present when i was i n p4// it was my bday ..my parents threw a party adn invented my frens.. it was a small plague showi na man climbin a very steep hill and below were the words "You must do the one thing u think u cannot DO" well haha i du nthink she even rmb she gave me that in p4...but i used to look at that everyday..when i had t omake tough decisions..(decisions that have served me up to this point of my life) and everytime i m afraid that the goin will get tough..i rmb that i must do the very thing i thnk i cannot do..
coughin like mad now..i suspect its my asthma..werkin up..toomuch late nights..spat bloodjust now.. m ymuim doestn want me to do biathlon..trg is really rewardin..love the pain hto its a bit worryin..my knees feel liek they can freeze up anytime..and well humans were never built for running..any sports science dude will tell u that he is an opponent of long D trg.. yeah its bad for the knees.. friday trg was wit hthe yr 2s cos many yr ones couldnt make it so it was jsut me and two other yr ones wit hall the seniors.. we swam one K and ran 8 K..sigh my running cannot make..it i m struggli nto keep up..they are really fast..i dunno my runnin posture is just ruin after abt 6 k.. anf then..my breathin is nto ver yregular.. yeah more trg..but its pretty gd i like it.. tho i worry if i do this kinda long d everyday..it be really bad for the knees..and i mustmake surei get enuff rest at the very least..time management! hais
but oh well..yeah i did nt sleep the night after trg so i guess that explains why i feel liek i m dyin now..btu its ok..my mum seems to be feelin better..looks liek my prayers ve been ans..i m not sure if it was the right stuff to say in prayers..but i said God give me all my mum's pain..give me everythin she is sufferin..multiply by ten i du ncare..jsut give her the strength to recover..give her health..inflict me with everrything..i can tale anything ..send the demons to me..i dun care..take my lungs my heart if u have to..leave my mum alone.
i prayed till i cried the day b4 i left nus..she looks pretty good now.. and i m kinda struglglin to breathe..btu its ok..i l lpull thru and do the very thing i thin k i cant.. cos whe ni ru nand when i swim.. i feel that the world makes sense..this crazy world..
i spoke to daniel today..hah he came to support dentistry..ispoke to him for the first time.,.he is like my idol..haha the zai daniel.. he is really the perfect guy..yeah friendly and all..watched all teh flaots with him..
i m so glad today is over..rag has really taken a toll on us..so tiring..i cant wait to start sch..yeah but then its a mixture of emotions..
wad if i cant cope? wad if..this and that its a feeli nof loneliness..dullness anticipation fear Help me as unworthy as im..
trusting ppl doesnt come naturally.. i ratehr build a wall ard myself. .look jolly all day and take up my defences. so meanwhile u ve short nick wit hhis big ego on ur platter.
help me.
i need to werk. i hope this is my last ruined weekends. tink ur bell.
the kiss of I would understand. at