Tuesday, August 08, 2006
falling away from the sun.
feels as if i ahvent blogged in a long time.. cos my mind is brimming with thts. i feel really low inselde admist all the high and craziness of og outing playin and having lots of fun with new frens..
its true. He is far from the Lord of my life. so sorry. but i may never get there.. i dunno. i get too lost in mixin with ppl..in indulging in my own feeling asnd thts.. thts of dwindlin faith. surrounded by doubts..my mum has been very sick since the cardio test..my dad has been full of nonsense..sayin really upsettin things abt me to my mum..say wad i move into hsotel wun come back..blah blah balh nv help my bro and all the crap..haiya really alot of nonsense from my dad..i dun even want to call him dad..yeah gab is right i live with a super thick fiscae..otherwise..i would ve been extinct long ago. i m consumed with fear jealousy and abit everything as the course begin..apart of me is envyin others..ppl whoare rich enuff to own a car and goin overseas blah blah..and then htere is the i dun liek so and so..gossipon..talkin bad abt others..judgin ppl..when i really shouldnt.. i dunno..i m sucha bad person..i feel liek keepi nto myself..its liek the more i hang ard ppl..i guess i m justa lousy person. dun let go of me, lord.
as each day pasases more and more ppl ae goin to be lost or gone..surrounded by ppl who talk abt their frens goin overseas soon..and close to me..is one who really is..there is no runnin away..the og pplare great..and makin frens in uni is goin pretty well i stayed over at my hostel yest and yeah went supper wit ha bunch of neighbours.. things are goin pretty smoothly..btu i feel that i wun have anyone close to talk to..i can always be the crazy dude i guess. but i have no one near me.
i feel like im swimmin and everything ard me is swimin pool blue..i cant breathe and i m not sure if it matters. eyah btu i kinda liek the team. aqualthon..trg..and there is zhiyunand kailun..and we can all take the shuttle bus after trg liek the gd old days..so its pretty cool..the team is encouragin..yeah the swimmin stds are nto that high..so i m no 4 in line..btu its scary to swim so in front..cos ppl behind may catch and touch ur feet its pressurisin..btu i guess thats the way to improve..my runnin is far from ok in the team..i guess i m slow.. hais thing is eventualo we must run ten k after swimmin 1500m..the capt told me that my swimmin seems pretty strong..(really flattered but its pro bcos its oni short dist..my old event in fact) he asked me to do breast cos i told him i was a breast stroker..adn he said its one of the fastest he has seen..well it was faster than many ppl's free but defn not as fast as my own free..but its a non tirin stroke for me.. easy stroke.. he said there are ppl wh odo breast in fact many and they are fast.. in biatlon..(but they start at the back) so he said if breast doesnt tire me i might want to consider doinit..cos my strokes are quite efficient and fast and losin a few mins on swim can be made up in the run esp if i dun feel that tired after that..yeah but for the rest of the team he wants them to do front crawl..i dunno..should i do free or breast? he really has a point and he said its up to me.. but my free is pretty ok too..its defn faster. later we had 100 m relay free..haa was in kailun's team..yeah first time i did 100 m free relay..was scary..but think i did pretty ok..the timin was fine.hais but yeah its short d..long d will be very diff i guess. i need to decide wad to train for..zhi yun and kailun are haha really fast..zhiyun kicks like a motor boat still..faster than any guy..scary kickin man..ok i m lookin forward to trg..tho i think sth is wrong with my heart..feels qutie weird when i swim..a bit of sharp apin..hais du ncare..when i run and swim i feel closer to myself. and takin the internal shuttle bus with kai lu nand zhiyun after trg is really yeah liek good old vj days.
ok a few of the ccasi signed ahs caleld for meeti nnext week.. cross country..i du nthink i ll go down alr.. i be really slow..i m alr strugglin here..many ppl in aqualthon are oso in cross country..and then there is canoe polo which i really wanna try for..btu dunno can cope not. stil lgot hall activities..and my top priorities is to do really well in studies. not to play.. but think i ll go for canoe polo..just check it out oni..
my hostel is more of less done up. yeah need my lap top oni..and internet connection..and then mroe or less i ll move in. havent paid yet. ha. squatter.
haha so th need to be official has caught up. i got my loo lin best fren alr..haha eyah cos our og might disintegrate after everything and eyah its better to have someone to always hang out with..i dun exactly have the fluidity of the rj ppl who all know each other alr..it be nicer to have a constant to si with durin lecture..adn the person is of cos fro mvj..ahah who has my worries too..cool. ok read sarah's blog abt the disaster that i caused..
come visit me at my hostel..its nto exactly fantastic..adn most ppl are med ppl..btu eyah its cool cos its really near med fac..
class chalet later.. today is nat day. well i m nto all that excited now that i know wad ndp really is abt.. but yeah i m proud to be singaporean..so happy bday sg!
the kiss of I would understand. at