Onaji sora shita

.. haha yeah proof that my mac rocks.. haha photo was taken by my mac cam. oh no this is the second day where i nv touch my books.abit excessive.. one day was extravagant alr.. haha hais.. time is precious and it jsut slips away liek no one's business.. yeah i m stressed. no matte wad onthe senoirs claim.. i jsutfeel otherwise... i really worry. ok i wanna do well..tho dean'slist seems impossible iwanna do reasonably well..but who knows right.. i may get retain or wad.. oh man. the tht is frightenin..

anw yeah i need toslp early tonight.. jsut had med supper..tht it was quite sian..the novelty of meeti nppl n havin random supper is dyin off.. the new novelty is sharing music..ooh that rocks..its way better than tv or radio.. itunes allow me to tap into other ppl's music and i can listen to a wide range of songs.. i mean the average itunes has 2000 songs.. cool stuff i have unlimited music now..thsi is realy addictive..so much for music therapy..

tm lis gonna be alongggg..day..i end at 530...then got trg..swimmin then dinner rush..then road relay trg..oh man..crazy day.

btu today was good lessons ended at 10! haha and i was sleepin durin the lectures today..haha
really pushin alr.. so tirin..

then had dinenr with d... yeah i thk the photo is really preety.. haha or maybe its just d.

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:38 AM .

haha happenin day sia. lecture was one big blur.. oh not really nut ok la.. i dunno al lthe lecturers speak funny. really difficult to understnad too much stresso n my axons..

ha right not funny. did ncall home. oh man. anw today went k boxin with frens..og mates.. sigh i know hat i ve to cut down on expenses but..this is pretty bad..peer pressure..and i dunno yeah..and i shuld be studyin but i just feel that i wun be able to accomplish much today..

i think i need more discipline. its the same as trg..no slackin off man... just keep pushing. regardless of the pain. my knee feels terrible..esp after teh runs..hais.. i thk i should oni be doi nslow jogs now..btu today;s trg "fun run" was quite mad.. cos of the two ppl i nfront who cheonged all the way..andi lost the ppl behind me totally.. so i had t oru nto find them..wah the pace is really.. i think i kinda maxed my runnin alr.. i dunno..ok maybe its better to thin kthat there are no limits..but i m not exactly mr positive..

had sports com interview and choir audtions jsut now..haha not bad..been long since i sang chords and scales..kinda missed singin seriously for fun.haha yeah btu i think its too many activiites..i must stdy hard.

i sang kai bu liao kou..which i thk was a very safe manageable song..haha yeah but my voice was tremblin..singin to three ppl can be quite intimidatin..esp when u have t owatch ur pitch and so many things are runnin thru ur head..haha but oh well.. i think it was ok...shuld get in..

this life is pretty cool.. have ur pseudo community..neighbours and frens,. manage ur meals washin clothes..studyin..sleepin time.. and so on..but

i cant help but wish .. idunno perhaps if i came from a family with no problems(prob no such fam exist) but fam where my mum was stronger..healthier..bro was better everything. .dad was more stable..i be really enjoyyon sch and hall life.. but i have to admit i m fadin away int othe background..and just stonin when i dunno..when i thk of wad might be happenin at home. i need to study hard.. things are pretty rough.

and u re leaving once agn.

the kiss of I would understand. at 10:12 AM .

rather nasty day.
listenin is exhausting but we all have to do it right.

its another one of those unbloggable days where u cant say ath coherent.
iwish i wasnt so average and i wish i was better at everything..nto that that will stop time in anyway at all..

ok my typin is really bad cos i alwasy have tons of books on front of me as i attempt to stretch out t oreachthe keyboard..right now my head is racing t otell mi wad muscles are involved in carry out that operation but i dun really wanna know?

bleagh i m still studyin the same stuff..agn and agn.. life has toomany details..liek right now my mind..has a million and one thts...fro mmajor ones to things like geta thumb drive..no not the scaphoid one..

and yeah joke of the day by glenn haha wad if we ahd a hongkonger how would allt he bones name sound like..or muscle names..try sayin omohlyoid..haha or however its splet..

and just keep runnin. runnin is a sign of runnin away. so is studyin and so on.. but there is really alot to ru naway from.. frm a man who seem to be losin ctrl.. over his vrer life..frm million and one issues..that will not leave me alone ..fro mknow in that i can nv have or be what i want to be.. i wish i was better at everything. i wished i was someone real.

the kiss of I would understand. at 9:15 AM .

flip a coin. widget.
widgets re cool stuff really haha time now is 130 am..considered relative early..haha sheesh thisis hall life..nocturnal..
could wake up late tody..and perhaps tml mornin.cos lessons in the afternoon..shuangs..
acutali i kindaliek hall life alr.. get to knwo more med ppl.. and eyah its really very independent and so on a lot of freedom. can train as much as i like. there are nice terrains to run ard here which i dun think i ll get bored of..can train still my hamstrings feel tighter than aguitar..haha my lame line..

first aid is pretty well ok la..gives me time to catch up on my werk..there is so much readin to do..eyah tml is cca fair for hall..hmm thinkin of joinin acapella.. haha but prob must prac altoand its stressful..i dunno will joi swimminadn hopefully gym com ha. yuppers.

i didnt call home for soemtime actuali..thats bad. ok tutorial time.

the kiss of I would understand. at 10:28 AM .

ooh anat is really fun..well nto the lectures of cos..i have a feeli n that somehow med is all abt self study yeah..i mean the lectures so far are really..sigh. cmi. btu yeah self discovery thru text book is fun..ahha like the survey said "my lecturer enhanced my sth sth to read u pmore " and my fren said of cos la.immediately cos the lecturer is really...

anw yeah so i ve been feelin my whole upper limb for the lasst ttwo hrs whilereadin netter and snell..pretty cool but progress is slow i think. i fear i have too many activities..but i dun,they are all one track..all sports..i wanan join some cultural stuff or CIp stuff too..shrugs..anyhow.

yah today trg was nice..haha endorphins..trg is always nice.yeah we didd fart legs for 20 mins b4 swimmin and lots of other strength buidin,,leagh.fart legs is when u run round the track..sprint 100 slack 100 sprint 100 slack hundred..very tirin..
thin ki ll ache like crazy tml..for sur.e..

yeah still feeli nmyself..haha oh no i m too in love with my mac..its kinda distractin maybe i need to study i nthe study room..
or wadeva..hmm..

i like my desktop pict..=)

the kiss of I would understand. at 9:18 AM .

lieka burning man. yeah next week is pay day hopefulli can get another student soon.
cool sia was chatti nwithedgar and alotof ppl..online..

wah feelin my endorphns now..haha such a bimbiotic thing to say..but i feel happy today..yeah its the feeli nafter a race..
my feet is burnin hot stilll..(not hot legs) yeah inter block relay wah cool stuff..i was a bundle of nerves im ean fien it was oni 2k..and then yeah a 6 man relay team basically u run this winding path and back..then the next runner.. iwas the last runner for my block..so its stressful la need to be fast..wah i thin k ineed new shoes..the cushion spoil.but i m very sentimental..these shoes been wth me for 3 yrs i think..run for bus lectures girls and al sorts of nonsense..haha yeah didnt eat dinenr cos was afraid would puke..but yeah i survived admist the lactic in my legs..haha ok this is oni half of the real run dist..my team came in 3rd..which was quite cool..3 girls 3 gusy.the girls in my team were fast i guess..yeah we were actuali ard last when it was my turn..so yeah had t ocheong..i did a timin of 8 sth..2 k..not bad..eh..yeah quite prouud ofmyself..guess trg does wonders..btu i still an opponent of ling dist runnin now..its really bad for the knees..haha

the joek of the say was telli nthat ot my fren..adn the next moment.a senior in the hall road relay team asked me ..hey u wanan joi nthe team.,think u are not badtrain with us la..ur runnin quite steady..shuai summore..haha oh man she was prettty..and i jsut couldnt say ath..but..erm ok.. sure..then she said ok i ll take ur name..mark u down..wed is first initiatio nrun..

whoosh mark me down.so embarassin..later haha was confronted by her and her two frens agn..they say i like very shy..haha ask me got gf not gee.. anw yeah i went to starry;s room toget food and kill ants.haha she really has a stash of lots of food..can open mama shop hahalo woner how she will react when she read this..yeah..its nie to have a fren in hall..as i nclose fren..yeah. haha

i feel bad. happy bday fcbc..well atleast manage to spent time with ya today..every darn min means alot..een jsut looki nat ur face and rememberin every featyure of it..somehow..i wun be ableo to do so next time. lunch. haiyo.

time freeze.ahha i no need a fridge alr. so many freezers ard..hahand fridge..ok not makin sense..

i hope tml wu nreally have much runnin hope its a swim focus trg..and i need tostudy seriously ..

the kiss of I would understand. at 9:28 AM .

yeah shout it out. the first msn nic on my list says integrity doin the right thing even when no one is watchin. no prize for guessin whose nic that is.

doi nthe right thing eh..nick hasnt been doi nso apparently. hot on the tail. time was poorly spent today..werkin and then dunno wad..read afew pages of weather..went back to hal lto dump clothes cos dad has vehicle todya ..retrieved lap to pfrom hal land yeah been playi nwith it..

went to lijuan's hse forhse warmin and celebrated jed's bday..

life is like an a sequence of actions and long broing readouts..
i feel a bit depressed now. cos i saw u today and u re leavin and i worry i will not get used to nto seei nu anymore.. haiyo but i should be happy cos we are all leadin our dreams..adn we are gonna study and do what we always (pok maybe not always)want to do..i feel really happy for u. but i m selfish everytime i think of it i wish i could keep u in my pocket .. shrink u..

the brighter side of life comes in white and has a concave apple on the surface. so says my fren. ur truly technical subsitute that is infinitely more reliable that the ncertainties of bei nhuman..

and so we keep on scringing.. iwanan do alotof stuff go cambodia do lots of community werk..backpack..dive..and much more..but mumy dearest whpo wun stop coughin..has oni this to say.nola study first next time al ot of chance.. better make it alot of money involved..divin next tiem la..everything is expenses..how much? alto of money leh..even buyin a gift unnecessarily warrnated me a scoldin..boo next yr my rich frens are gonna drive their own car..ok

ok watch ur thts nick cos they are uinhealthy. i mean wh ocares abt the rich ppl..has it ever affected me..no..i ve been surrounded by rich losers all my life.. i have werked and study anw..its juts that i relaly wish i could do so much,...go dive travel..i dunno..i dunno ok.. i m bein naive..i told my parents that the 4mths hols nect yr will be the best longest break i have for the next 15 yrsand they be like..no la sure havechance..nex ti me no hols meh..cannot take leave meh..truth is yeah really cannot..but oh well..tehy woudlnt know..adn utr truly..maybe i really ought to just think abt doin well..

and not ath else..so that aspect of life is scringed.
ppl ask mi wad cca i join i said aquathlon..adn the ybe like wads that cos i thin ki cant pronounce it.. and when they finally get it hey be like..wah i m competin too or wadeva..haiyo but i dunmo how to tell hthem that im not really pro..adn i du nintend to competet.i jsut liek to run and swi malot..enthusiast.. btu competiton..i dun want..cps a lot of expenses..i jsut wanna train to keep my sanity. btu i guess eventuali i ll be takin part..with nus..

and the third scringin
blegh my og seems very interested i who i l lliek i nmed.. somehow they seem very sure i ll get attached soon or will be hittin on someone soon.. bleagh..but well look at me..my life is a mess. these pp lare way to ogd for me.. i will never own a car in the next wad ten yrs? heh i ll never be deans lister.. i m short a bag of worries.. broke.. and du nlike mixin ard..and worst of all..i m hopelessly wishin for a miracle. that may nv come. so pls.. i dun have the confidence or the urge to "gp after anyone" its too draining. at least not for now. i stil lfeel unstable.

it beats too fast. when it sees u. saltatory.

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:18 AM .

home at last! yay..but eew windows..
but there is comfort in familiarity as always. feel quite bad brt a lot of clothes hoem to wash..nah next time i will go home on sat and spend fri night washin my clothes..

yeah a lady fainted in front oif me at the ineerchange.. in the 88 bus line next to mi..it was a slow mo dramatic faint.. more likely due to lack of sleep..haha ok ITS not supposed to be funny.. but it was. ooop..i guess thats cos i m just a student.. so Oh DUN SAY THAT>. haha

i didnt i m a bit high still for no real reason at all.haiyo i wish i could stay at home.. but hostel is not too bad too..lots of freedom..not that i dun get them..but runnin at midnight is really thrillin esp up hills with blinkin street lights and nto a car in sight..its cool. to feel the adrenaline rush..

i kept hearin my "coach"'s voice.. do not be afraid of the distance..as long as it is there u ll get there..wad u see u alr have.. so look further... yeah haiyo but i still run very slow.. i think..compared to the team.. and my knees are bleagh.

haha but this mornin i ran very fast to sch..it was really cool..(well it wasnt supposed to be) ok this entry should be titled nick has the runs..

haha anw i woke up 5 mins b4 the ,ecture..forgot to set the alarm..ahah so i dashed u pteh stairs and down the slopes and more slopes and more stairs..it was damn hot and i was changin as i ran.. ahha yankin my clothing is all directions.. haha it was really drama.. i heard some ppl sayin .who is that ah..is he local? haha but anw.. i did my shirt's lasat button a few steps b4 reachin the door oni to listen to STAND by me by oasis..(well not oasis of cos) but its pretty cool..i wanna sing too..in a small grp..

i need lots of files..the notes and papers are pilin up..sch blues eh..but its ok la..i kinda like wad i m studyin..actuali i was feeli npretty low with all the constant braggin from ppl ard me..till i met mei xianmyclsmate at the sci canteen i tole her..hais a lotof smart ppl here la..rjish..and hse told me nto to worry..ur bio always top top one..ha..yeah i dunno but that kinda helped me pull thru the week..

am i not pathetic.. i dun need praises or assurances..i no need to be influenced by anyone ard me.. i just need to be me.

dessicated. it means dried.

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:24 AM .

ur light will shine when all else fail. my favourite song is truly from the inside out. haha i dream to sing it in front of a mass audience someday worshippers..haha sounds far far away. thats wad dreams are

today was pretty cool day two of usin my mac..ha at one pt i didnt turn it off completely it was only in sleep mode and was burnin hot in my bag oh well..lesson learnt..this baby is really precious to me tho yeah it really is imcompatible with many stuff..
but who cares. its wad i like. right? isnt it the same with ppl?

yeah who cares. today was a realyl meaningful eventful kinda day. ok minus supper it would ve been my drema day..u know studyin and running and meetin new ppl. ok from the back.. i just came back fro msupper...haha woon yang wanted to make me sandwich i think he is a really sweet guy or at least to his frens..i feel really blessed. i mean all these ppl ccould ve treat me like a outcast afterall..i m this new guy in their life..yeah or maybe thi is just me and how i always feel towards new ppl..like why botherin knowin them? so long as i m comfortabe kinda attitude..ok i guess thats bad.

supper was spent well fellowshippin? haha gossipin i guess abt many things.. its quite funy to watch the yr 2s shot off longlong medical names..charmaine is really funny i m so thakful she is my councilor and not anyone else. yeahok i have very nice seniors i think. i wonder if my juniors ever tht of e this way..

and i met my neighbours at last.. a bunch of guys..not med ppl..started askin me alot abt army and so on..haha y? ppl get out of the army phase man..it was in no way enjoyable..i felt that i have wasted alot of time alr..hais but yeah its ok..we were talkin abt the stupid things in army..i guess thats sth every male in sg can comment on haha. yeah finally met my neighbours..the whole floor of them..they conered me..haha htey said i was theelusive yr one..they knocked on my door twice but i was either not ard or sleepin alr..and they caught me when i just came back from muggin,,

yeah i mug alot today..it wasnt mugging..la muggin is when u alr know everrythin or u du nplan on knowin knowin..but just need to store in ur head..yeah i read with understandin and deep interest today! hahah yeah so it was nice..tho it was the easy topics..epithelium..and membrane conduction..its alot more stuff now.. but yeah i htink its all very interestin..wheather is a pleasure to read haha..and yeah i believe that with more details oni then can we understand things fully..bio in secondary and a levels..is rather undeveloped..and there are many things we re expected to just accept as fact..no rooms for qn...i guess oni when u are fed more details can u fully understand...yeah and i m happy i think i answered alot of my own qns today..lookin forward to look thru charm;s notes..but first ineed tobe alot more tidy..i think i m gonna need lots of racks and files..and dividers..hmm more stuff to buy

i bht a lot of stuff alr..today i got a mouse haha..its was oni 9 bucks and creative..i think its nice..and patriotic..haha it has signapore's flag on it..but all my frens thinks its abit obiang..ahha wadeva man..and i spent a lot of money on lap top sleeves..oh no.. spent alll my allowance..bht for myself and my dear ah ya..but its custom designed i really hoe it be nice..haiyo..and its like two weeks before it arrives but pay first..quite fishy right.. i wanted to get the plain black type but they oso cost 20 plus..so might as well design sth unique..ine says isha..haha

me? missin trg tml..so i went runnin today..wanted to run ten k..but haha but the flesh was week..and i was runnin alone..it was really late..and ulu..so decided to run 8 k yeah still very long..i think but i like it..i think i wun worry so much abt my knees la..it got me quite moody the last few days..cos they were really achin..as it could feel the knee shiftin..quite gross..
i m an opponent of long dist trg.. ithink its very bad for the knees and all that more strenght will help i guess.. yeah i have fat thighs haha

anw nus seems very far from town. hais there must be a direct bus.. i had a job interview today but didnt go cos was late for it.. i decided to ask for reschedule but if they du ncall mi hten its alrite i gues.. i think i want another student.. hais..need more cash..

am i really very antisocial? ok la i feel dauunted when..ok i jsut need to space out sometimes i guess..i need to be alone..i mean i love my frens.. but not everyday..somtday i visit nick land..

lets go running.

the kiss of I would understand. at 11:08 AM .

yay lap top is here. A big distraction i tell u. i cant stop falli nin love with my mac.. oops ok listenin to worship songs now.
sch 's preety gd so far. yeah but i miss home and i wonder how my mum is and so on..yeah but i really liek my lap top.

getiin to know more ppl i nhall alr.. i come acrossas a realyl shy dude..yeah..haha blogging on my mac now..yay..and prob will wake up zonk tml but i du ncare haha havent stopped my supper days seem pretty hard.

trg was fun as usual..yeah haha prof in histo said today every needsa hobby haha yeah i think it helps me keep my sanity.
havent swam liddat for so lone.. 8 x 200 8 x 100 and so on,,. haha its nice t olookat the clock ...

haha i m not a jock la..my og calls me that and many other things..life is quite peacefu lhere..seems easy t oforget everyoen else..how my best guy frensare doin..my frens in cell my fren who is leavin..and toa certai nextent my family.. my bongus dad said that they losta son..ok he is full of shit hais i dunno..

i liek my room.

today some modelin agency asked me to go down for interview. i dun recall..they say i was recommended by a fren..so queer..well i feign interest.. i m gonna bea doc.. i wanan learn another language.. hah

haiyo my thts are really randomand unstructured tonight.. i m supposed to be readin my nites.. but i guess can leaver tolater..

i think i found ya.

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:58 AM .

hmm its sunday. book in day!
oh man..goi nback to hostel.. i spent less than a day at home this week..adn mostly sleepin..cos wasfeeli nreally sick and tired.. then tuition took up 5 hrs..did n even go church..bleagh..

hsotel games.. haiyo..gotta make frens.. ifeel so tired.. ha
dunno when wil lbe my next chance to blog but anw.. yeah i need a friggin lap top..

sigh i m quite scred leh..when sch starts..what if i m liek the slowest in sch..the dullest. dumbmest person.. how? wad if i cant cope..

wad if..oh man..monday's gonna be a busy day

the kiss of I would understand. at 12:19 AM .

uni dawns.
plenty of late nights hostel life. sigh i wish i knew more ppl. i feel kinda insignificant now. holding back? maybe.. but i feel scared of ppl. its liek there is a ladder toclimb. and i ll never get there..everyone is kinda dauntin..fair enuff i dunno anyone and no one knows me..but its gets irritatin when u are constantly surrounded by conversations of ppl singin praises abt others..praises are fine but these are often not praises more like idunno gossipin.. "oh so and soi like damn smart..so and so is a pres scholar..so and so got this and that ..O LUM PIAD" yeah these are not praises..sound more liek words of envy..i dunno it seems so different..its nto like i come from a lousy sch mind u.. btu my frens generally nv talk liddat..i ve been surrounded by brillant and ingenius ppl too..but yeah we dun..well there is no need to display ur tinge of jealousy?

yeah hais the yare so caught up it their own world..it makes pp lfeel excluded..i dunno i m glad i went to vj.. the msot we go..so and so runs rdamn fast.. and so and so..its normally abt sportin ablilty and teasin each other..haiyo..ppl dun be so studies oriented.. i mean yeah do well for urself can..

hall life..well sadly the hall pplare alr all qutie close to one another alr..i kinda miss home..the tht of oni goin home on weekends is pretty shitty..jolene is in my hall too..yeah known her for darn long..was telli nwoon yang oh we know each other for darn logn alr.. she was quick to add btu not very well la..cos it was oni in p sch.. jc we were nto that close too..

yeah but i guess she would nv have guessed..she gave me this present when i was i n p4// it was my bday ..my parents threw a party adn invented my frens.. it was a small plague showi na man climbin a very steep hill and below were the words "You must do the one thing u think u cannot DO" well haha i du nthink she even rmb she gave me that in p4...but i used to look at that everyday..when i had t omake tough decisions..(decisions that have served me up to this point of my life) and everytime i m afraid that the goin will get tough..i rmb that i must do the very thing i thnk i cannot do..

coughin like mad now..i suspect its my asthma..werkin up..toomuch late nights..spat bloodjust now.. m ymuim doestn want me to do biathlon..trg is really rewardin..love the pain hto its a bit worryin..my knees feel liek they can freeze up anytime..and well humans were never built for running..any sports science dude will tell u that he is an opponent of long D trg.. yeah its bad for the knees.. friday trg was wit hthe yr 2s cos many yr ones couldnt make it so it was jsut me and two other yr ones wit hall the seniors.. we swam one K and ran 8 K..sigh my running cannot make..it i m struggli nto keep up..they are really fast..i dunno my runnin posture is just ruin after abt 6 k.. anf then..my breathin is nto ver yregular.. yeah more trg..but its pretty gd i like it.. tho i worry if i do this kinda long d everyday..it be really bad for the knees..and i mustmake surei get enuff rest at the very least..time management! hais

but oh well..yeah i did nt sleep the night after trg so i guess that explains why i feel liek i m dyin now..btu its ok..my mum seems to be feelin better..looks liek my prayers ve been ans..i m not sure if it was the right stuff to say in prayers..but i said God give me all my mum's pain..give me everythin she is sufferin..multiply by ten i du ncare..jsut give her the strength to recover..give her health..inflict me with everrything..i can tale anything ..send the demons to me..i dun care..take my lungs my heart if u have to..leave my mum alone.

i prayed till i cried the day b4 i left nus..she looks pretty good now.. and i m kinda struglglin to breathe..btu its ok..i l lpull thru and do the very thing i thin k i cant.. cos whe ni ru nand when i swim.. i feel that the world makes sense..this crazy world..

i spoke to daniel today..hah he came to support dentistry..ispoke to him for the first time.,.he is like my idol..haha the zai daniel.. he is really the perfect guy..yeah friendly and all..watched all teh flaots with him..

i m so glad today is over..rag has really taken a toll on us..so tiring..i cant wait to start sch..yeah but then its a mixture of emotions..

wad if i cant cope? wad if..this and that its a feeli nof loneliness..dullness anticipation fear Help me as unworthy as im..

trusting ppl doesnt come naturally.. i ratehr build a wall ard myself. .look jolly all day and take up my defences. so meanwhile u ve short nick wit hhis big ego on ur platter.

help me.

i need to werk. i hope this is my last ruined weekends. tink ur bell.

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:36 AM .

today is the nation's bday. rest from unnecessary stress. tho i hsould be doin a million thins.. i should be werkin today btu iguess i ll take some time and do some light reading. and arrange my itunes..ithink arrangin my songs and playi nrandom songs is really therapeutic.

count my blessing. would u like to make a donation? was all i said yesterday..my tin was really heavy..yeah i guess its all abt looki into ppl's eyes and maki nthem feel bad if they do not give..but personalyl i rarely give donations unless the person is really hyper and ask.. haha like me..

hyper aside. i was told abt some hmm blogs by my fellow yr ones..adn that the seniors actual iused technorati to find our blogs.so bo liao..but blgos are not dangerus..its ours and we ve the reight to say what we wanti guess..its ppl who are dangerous...anyway..

yeah my blog was found..so perhaps that explains the strange tagging.. and evelyn was told that i had a very bhb blog name..haha and well luckily evely nsaid no he is my junior..and he is nice..ahah well ridiculouslygdlooking is zoolander.. haha a "nick - ngsimon " show..and yeah a really funny show.. doesnt refer to the blogger..ha but well if u think it does..,maybe it does.. ha

i count my blessings to be born in a peaceful country. to be able to study day and night. to be able to have doors open for me..to achieve my dreams. yes i do. as unworthy as i feel abt myself..i m loved. by so many ppl. hee so random.

here comes the rain. no need to hide. i know the sunshine on the other side.

the kiss of I would understand. at 9:01 PM .

falling away from the sun.
feels as if i ahvent blogged in a long time.. cos my mind is brimming with thts. i feel really low inselde admist all the high and craziness of og outing playin and having lots of fun with new frens..

its true. He is far from the Lord of my life. so sorry. but i may never get there.. i dunno. i get too lost in mixin with ppl..in indulging in my own feeling asnd thts.. thts of dwindlin faith. surrounded by doubts..my mum has been very sick since the cardio test..my dad has been full of nonsense..sayin really upsettin things abt me to my mum..say wad i move into hsotel wun come back..blah blah balh nv help my bro and all the crap..haiya really alot of nonsense from my dad..i dun even want to call him dad..yeah gab is right i live with a super thick fiscae..otherwise..i would ve been extinct long ago. i m consumed with fear jealousy and abit everything as the course begin..apart of me is envyin others..ppl whoare rich enuff to own a car and goin overseas blah blah..and then htere is the i dun liek so and so..gossipon..talkin bad abt others..judgin ppl..when i really shouldnt.. i dunno..i m sucha bad person..i feel liek keepi nto myself..its liek the more i hang ard ppl..i guess i m justa lousy person. dun let go of me, lord.

as each day pasases more and more ppl ae goin to be lost or gone..surrounded by ppl who talk abt their frens goin overseas soon..and close to me..is one who really is..there is no runnin away..the og pplare great..and makin frens in uni is goin pretty well i stayed over at my hostel yest and yeah went supper wit ha bunch of neighbours.. things are goin pretty smoothly..btu i feel that i wun have anyone close to talk to..i can always be the crazy dude i guess. but i have no one near me.

i feel like im swimmin and everything ard me is swimin pool blue..i cant breathe and i m not sure if it matters. eyah btu i kinda liek the team. aqualthon..trg..and there is zhiyunand kailun..and we can all take the shuttle bus after trg liek the gd old days..so its pretty cool..the team is encouragin..yeah the swimmin stds are nto that high..so i m no 4 in line..btu its scary to swim so in front..cos ppl behind may catch and touch ur feet its pressurisin..btu i guess thats the way to improve..my runnin is far from ok in the team..i guess i m slow.. hais thing is eventualo we must run ten k after swimmin 1500m..the capt told me that my swimmin seems pretty strong..(really flattered but its pro bcos its oni short dist..my old event in fact) he asked me to do breast cos i told him i was a breast stroker..adn he said its one of the fastest he has seen..well it was faster than many ppl's free but defn not as fast as my own free..but its a non tirin stroke for me.. easy stroke.. he said there are ppl wh odo breast in fact many and they are fast.. in biatlon..(but they start at the back) so he said if breast doesnt tire me i might want to consider doinit..cos my strokes are quite efficient and fast and losin a few mins on swim can be made up in the run esp if i dun feel that tired after that..yeah but for the rest of the team he wants them to do front crawl..i dunno..should i do free or breast? he really has a point and he said its up to me.. but my free is pretty ok too..its defn faster. later we had 100 m relay free..haa was in kailun's team..yeah first time i did 100 m free relay..was scary..but think i did pretty ok..the timin was fine.hais but yeah its short d..long d will be very diff i guess. i need to decide wad to train for..zhi yun and kailun are haha really fast..zhiyun kicks like a motor boat still..faster than any guy..scary kickin man..ok i m lookin forward to trg..tho i think sth is wrong with my heart..feels qutie weird when i swim..a bit of sharp apin..hais du ncare..when i run and swim i feel closer to myself. and takin the internal shuttle bus with kai lu nand zhiyun after trg is really yeah liek good old vj days.

ok a few of the ccasi signed ahs caleld for meeti nnext week.. cross country..i du nthink i ll go down alr.. i be really slow..i m alr strugglin here..many ppl in aqualthon are oso in cross country..and then there is canoe polo which i really wanna try for..btu dunno can cope not. stil lgot hall activities..and my top priorities is to do really well in studies. not to play.. but think i ll go for canoe polo..just check it out oni..

my hostel is more of less done up. yeah need my lap top oni..and internet connection..and then mroe or less i ll move in. havent paid yet. ha. squatter.

haha so th need to be official has caught up. i got my loo lin best fren alr..haha eyah cos our og might disintegrate after everything and eyah its better to have someone to always hang out with..i dun exactly have the fluidity of the rj ppl who all know each other alr..it be nicer to have a constant to si with durin lecture..adn the person is of cos fro mvj..ahah who has my worries too..cool. ok read sarah's blog abt the disaster that i caused..

come visit me at my hostel..its nto exactly fantastic..adn most ppl are med ppl..btu eyah its cool cos its really near med fac..

class chalet later.. today is nat day. well i m nto all that excited now that i know wad ndp really is abt.. but yeah i m proud to be singaporean..so happy bday sg!

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:49 PM .

to start an entry abt pillows is pretty interesting.
but what maketh a good pillow.. is really the age and the smell and u know yeah the smell ..the way it cushions ur head and there is the salivary smell that gets u to fal laslp right away..i m qutie sensitive to pillows..haha i ll fall aslp rightaway on my pillow but for other pillows i ll hm mtake a really long time..adn count count sheeps till the cows coemehome..

ok right so i moved most of my stuff into the hall alr..yay! gonna spend sometime decoratin it and make it feel really cosy and homey..h aha and yeah friendsare invited.. hha i got sleepin bag! hmm thk it be cool plus no oen knows me yet.. my nieghbours dunno me..haha and i missed all the hall orientation blah..so yeah thats cool..jsut short of a pillow fan fridge and lap top.haha haiyo i refuse to move in til li get my lappie..i mean how to live without bloggi nor chattin online..darn dunno when will m ylap top come ill give it another week.. haha

i feel spiritiually low yah..loads of conflict at home these days.. iahte to think movin hostel is liek runnin away fro mthe m all..u iknow b eo n myown..my little piece of heaven..tis relaly the wrogn attitude..btu sometimes u cant help btu wish to lvie away fro mit all eh.. hais i dunno but nope..i love home loads..gven a choice i much rather stay at home..everythign is invitin at home..oh well not sureiwad i m sayi noso

im checkin out drugs online now. haha the problem with havin too many misplace drugs at home..now much check wad they might be for..

stonin away.

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:12 AM .

mornin was a pleasant surprise. =)
received a call "hello zhipeng? erm we would liek to check with u if u re moving into the hostel cos most of the students have alr gotten their keys...if u do not move in by monday i m afraid wqe ve to forfeit ur room.."

ha ha ha..haha.. yay i was like. .whoa..ok yeah of cos i m moving in! haha KE7 here i come. .haha so grateful..to terence and raymond.. yeah ok tho i dunn oanyone and have missed all the orientations i m sure its not a problem ..yeah yup i guess ihave to keep anactive life to keep my hostel place but its ok..isnt that wad uni is suppsoed to be abt..alright..i here the voices at the back of my head wh owould beg to differ..

yeap haiyo..so i rushed down to get my keys jsut b4 the office would close.. i too kbus 200..btu took a stupid wrong turn and ended up i nsci park..was so afraid the office would close ..so i took a cab..and cab drivers are useless ard uni grounds..so tsk..spent 5 bucks circlin nus jsut to get to yeah KE..oh well wadeva.. i m elated..there are gonna be lots of expenses anw.. so who cares..now wad i need is my lap top and well maybe a fridge to happily stay in uni..hais buts its liek book i nand so away from home.. its not a nice tht..btu tavellin really sucks..at least now i can take part in cca..

haiyo the person registerin me..couldn print the billthe som didnt like my name or sth..so she gave me the keys to move i nfirst.. iahvent paid..she said i seem very shy and soft spoken..stay in hostel must be more open and enthu k..dun keep to urself.. haha ok..right. i m a shy boy without the right..factors.. hahaok

yeah cca haiyo..was quite embarassin..first triathlon meet.. swam sets usual swimmin sets..but well i mn ot in my ususal form duh..so alr quite tired..and all front crawl now..no chance at all to slack..but the guy say if my breaast stroke is fast..they dun mind me.. honestly itts not faster than front crawl la no way..its just easier to swim haha..the nrunnin was embarassin..i cheogn with them for the first 2 k plus.. and later ..died all the way at teh back..haiyo..really unfit now..how? but they are really nice ppl i thk..kept encouragin me.. haha

well its really nice to be i n a team la..and no matter how lousy i m ..its wad i liek doin ..so i guess. im stayin for now..

the kiss of I would understand. at 7:05 AM .

yay. i got new slippers. haha. i ve a gifts from head to toe this bday! haha.
rather hard to describe but i felt really happy tonight..its like meetin up with a fren i havent seen or spoken to in ages. liek a super old fren..ahha weird right..btu not that old la. be nice to keep in contact with til llike u know..ten twent y yrs down the road.. haha wonder how things wil lbe like..

but we wil lall be in sg..today was like the last tiem we be seein one of our og member..cos she took up the A star offer to go overseas..medicine summore. .darn zai ..yeah she is sporty brainy and hmm gd figure.. well anw yeah she is leaving..feels strange..but i always tht i will study overseas and not stay in sg liek everyone else.. really..i havent even rejected uk..cos a part of me is like i dunno ahha hopin maybe a miracle wil lahppen and off i m to ucl? but nevertheless im really happy where i m..yeah. at least i can be ard for my mum and family. oh u know oni females can get phd in med..cos guys have to return to NS so no males ever get scholarhsi pto do phd med in sg.. so unfair right.. but oh well phd..sheesh madness..

anw i m glad that i m excited abt sch..cos i prob need the high to pull thru med.. and then if u arent even excited abt starti nsch and lessons..thigns wil llook quite sad and bleak.. tml will be my first iron man trg! haha cool . wonder if i can cope i feel so fat and unfit now..

haha cos today i ate at this new restaurant at city link..and the dish i called was labelled really sinful..yeah and it is.. oh man..its 100percent fats..haha so much for wantin to be lipid free..nonsense.. totally didnt make the mark..

haiyoh exhaustin day..at nus..ran ard..sign up for a course on how to use mac os.. and then yeah canceled my loan..payin cash instead..chattd ith simin and a lot other old frens.. haiyo tired..wanan sleep alr.

the kiss of I would understand. at 7:33 AM .

hmm hmm more orientatio ngrp picts.. haiyo i wish mroe ppl wil lsend me picts. haha i m a photo whore. oops.

my mu mwent for the echo cardio test today..came out rather dishevelled.. my heart ached cos it was 45 mins where she was subjected t odrugs that excite her heart. there was risk involoced and she wasnt feeli nwell initially..i prayed so hard outside the treatment room. she was allowed to slp for an hr b4 we left.. all this whiel i stood outside on ipraying. i seriously believed it could be much worse..yeah so really praise the LORD everything went well today..she is givin tuitio nnow tho her head is stil lthrobbin since this mornin.. yeah im so gratefuland happy..i rushed down to do float after that but frankly my heart was at hoem..worryin amanda see said she could tell i was really listless today..but yeah so i told her wad happened..

msged chang and saw him runnin later..he joinedthe biathlon..and for soem reason i m signed up too..so yah my cca is aqualthon for now.. pretty cool..i mean i love both swimmin adn runnin..the ydun compliment each other if u ask me.. swimmin needs flexibility and grace and runnin just greeatly tenses the muscles..but i love pain..and i want to lead a lipid free life haha so i guess..

but actuall ii signed up for cross country but wrote there that i was fro mswimmin so iguess thats y.. but anw the trg is progressive and fun la.. i dun want to compete but i wanna keep my swimmin and runnin is top form..adn they facilitate mugging i guess..

a knack for gettin into trouble runs i nthe family. today my bro was threatened in sch..canteen fight.. and the bulyl conered him..got a gang waiti nfor him at the toilet.. my bro stayed in sch all afternoon with the tcha to make police report..crap man..and in the end his frens escort him home..and the bully who was waitin at the gate said to the tcha and him tomorrow the nwhack u.. wah lau..as if my mum's heart aint excited enuff today..she was worried all day while i was doin float at nus and she caleld me if i could go to find my bro in the evenin..and she was scred i be whacked ..haiyo.. sucks..and now she wants to go to talk to the bullies tml.but i thin kthats stu[pid..its not p sch anymore.. these ppl may ve nth to lose and it may aggravate them that u think u have protective parents and the mroe they wanna whack u..sigh.. oj details still i na mess now..guess im still tryin to absorb it all..hais..

too colourful alr.

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:50 AM .

so todays the day =- i possess the card. the card that makes me a part. a part of noose. and yeah even reveal that i havea twin. actualli.. a twin sister. u peeps will see her ard.. its sth that i have denied for alog ntiem cos we were nv in the same insitution but now that we are gonan be tgt.. its gonan be obvious. i have a twin and we have signed up for the same ccas...

ok two of them. i have signed up for corss country(haiyo but i think my knees wil ljsut die) canoe polo(hmm yeah number one priority with diving ) dragon boat( dunno leh..i dun like dragon boat figures..btu the ppl at the booth were very friendly) and VCF.. hmm just sign up for fun.
i couldnt find swimmin and biathlon otherwise i ll sign too and make decision later. choir is by ..the person so its a no go. i still wanan learn a 4th mlang - prob tamil or french..an give tuitoon...and must rmb that i m studyi nmedicine..teh worst course..oh no.. i m mad.

but u really thin kso? my dad is just worried i ll get attached.he jsut wants me to be in the library and mug hard..haiya he has never hav faith in me la..truth be told he is a sucky dad. who has always shoot his sons down. he was the dad that was glad his son wasnt talelr than hi myet.. teh same da d who was more concerned if other ppl were doin betterthan him..his was eager to knwo howm y frens did. when i was learni nt oride bike cycle play chess or wadeva fro mmy frens..he oni said..huh u are not as good as mi yet.. he never said hey i know how to do that too i shoudl have tht my son.. he has always treated me liek a competition..so childish. if my son was smarter taller brighter than me i ll be so happy. but nope..my dad oni says things like (to my mum) "we ve done so much for him..he now liek so ya ya" waddehell..

and it wasthe sme dad who behaved like a barbarian today..infornmt of all my frens and class mates and future colleagues..at NUH canteen. he had to get int oa rage and fight with this man..he accidentally spileld some soup on a guy...and the guy said wah lau..nv grow eyes ah.. hesaid sorry like it was no big deal..the guy said sorry very big ah sorry stil lso zuai..then he was liek what u want what more u want. .sorry la.. what can i do..splash back u gan yuan ah? (happier) uneducated uncivilised barbarian..lucky my mum didnt stand i nthe middle to break them..toherwise i ve to go up too cos the next thign that happe nthe man took a bowl of hot sea weed and splashed at him..it was sucha stupid stupid scene k..seaweed in m ydad's hair .. ihalf want to laugh..but whaddehell so many of my frens were there.. thansk dad.. u know y i werk and study so hard all these years? IT SSO THAT I LL NEVER NEVE be LIKE YOU YOU BIG LOSER. enuff said.

but i m fine yeah. i m happy cos i matriculate and signed the deed today. ifelt quite bad..cos matriculatio nwas at 9 signin was at 11 i nbetween i checked out lap tops and cca booths..took a long time to decide between the whit (it has to be whit) mac OS and a steady fujitsu..i mean the fujitsu was lightweight and value for money..btu the mac was a t teh corner of the fair..proclaimin loudly. .be different..be cool from everyone else.. i tried so long to garner support..but and my whole og ppl werelike we really want mac u knwo but our parents..thnk it snot..perhaps when we are rich docs with lots of spare cash we wil lget a mac? hmm ok but i sucummb to temptations eventuli and proceeded with a mac..after all most seniors claim that macs werk perfectly well and its nto lik e i dota and paly lame games o nmy comp.. so yeah. its fine.. i cant wait to get it.. it comes in two weeks time. matin got the exact same model as mi.. and i got a nano too! haha co i had a voucher.. hmm i can think of many wayts of usin my nano..one sell two use for joggin three gift.

my twin is in the faculty of science.life sci

and as a result my suretyand paretns waited darn long for me..i felt bad and the quene was qutie long.. i was reminded that there can oni be frens in med..u haveto make frens and try to liek everyone! yah. u cannot not liek anyone..so i shook hands wit hthis person whom i had an awkward relationship with for years.. its a long story ..but yeah he knows my parents and yeah he even greeted them..it seems liek his memory was wiped out or sth..but yeah..i m glad. he wasmy ex bishop son..the way he talks t oeevryoen ..he makes himself sound like a bishop..shakin hands..and bein unnaturally formal with everyone..hais. pilot's son. but i m glad that we re talkin. and bein friendly with one another.. maybe he realy is a great guy.

and.. i cant help but be really more observant at clinics these days.. cos for obvious reason..oh this pharmacist congratuated and dispensed medication to this woman sayini"all the best yeah ..gd luck" and not like "get well soon" so hmm maybe she is tryin to get pregnant? haha. yeah anw the doc wh osaw me today asked mi wad i was doi nnow..and the same thign he was all..wow cool cya ard soon..yeah its gonna be tough but listen to ur seniors everyone makesit eventuali..shookm yhands wished me all the best three times! haha he was a signaller man too told me army waste time..durin his time they oni disrupt officers..so he is stilla signallerdurin rserviece..haha..so cool

and... tml must finish float.. but my mum is goi nfor the cardio test which is quite risky..i need to be by her side. so yah. its defn more impt to be with my mum. i ll rush to noose. after that.

the kiss of I would understand. at 5:30 AM .