Sunday, July 09, 2006
hello. join me in my swashbuckin adventure.
sword is the word.
ok i have gone for encounter. yeap. climbin up the ladder. but it is not one whic hi want to rush up. encounter was well yeah it served its purpose.. the lord showed me alot.. and actualli even more that was out of camp syllabus. no cca points. (ok at this point of time i wanna blog abt encounter in peace without so many ppl chatti nand aski nme a million qns)
my brain is kindatired..flesh is weak ha i have my chem notes waitin for me on one side. i need to study. right i need to get to the impt stuff.
encounter the ver yfirst step/ is a cam pfor u to encounter GOD and hear the many thigns he have to say as he has encountered so many ppl and brt a plethora of miracles to so many lives. i was really positive abt the camp. but well i was surrounded by cynics. well nto relli..jsut a realyl analyitcal person..realist and practical..someone really knowledgeable wh ofeels he alr feels that we both know most of the stuff which is true.. but ok he was right. i did knwo most of the stuff i was gonan hear..and many i struggle to agrtee with..but iknow that there is a bigger picture we shoudl not run from and bein concern with all the tiny details all the time is a graveyard.
well youyi was my closest mate there so i really neede to hang ard him. i am usually really sociable and yeah surrounded by frens if many aspects of my life.but somehow i still struggle alot in church cos there is alto i dun understand and i m afraid to. and hwat it would mean if i understood.. i guess im a coward. i didtnunderstnad why ppl cry all the time.. irefuse to believe that i cant be my own master at times.. i didnt understand hwo everyone can be so bright cheerful and piositive abt life all the time.. i listen to plenty of christian testimonies.. these pp lare always so happy.. 10 years 20 yeears.. into their christian lives.
ineeded to kwo why.. ih ave so many qns.. i am truly grateful that i got int omedicine.. by the grace of GOD.. he has helped me pul lthru so much..esp i nmy NS days.. what i felt was physically impossible he gave me strength when i asked for it. haha sounds almost liek i had a cheating formula. but there are days i feel dry. i try to rmb his commandments.. btu there are days i jsut wake up feeli nbitter and angry and i swallow em.. i m emotional..yeah veyr emotional person..and somedays i feel terribel and i see nomeanin in prayer..and jsut b4 encounter i was feeli nliddat and worse jsut as i was on my way to the camp i met my number one person on my hate list. its a rather long list. really. i glared at him and i felt my blood rising. ha iknow why i have a pulse of below 50 now..cos i may burst an artery otherwise. lol..but yeah..i was a lousy navigator..i too kan hr to get t osheares hall.. basically went in nus walked round my future sch in circles at the other end of it.. so thru it all i was feeli nreally frustrated. .alr an hr late and all.. when i had to pray.. i just couldnt.. isang as loudly as i could but the feeli nwas not there.. iwas angry at the day..angry at having to compelte 3 amaths paper in the mornin.. i mean its really tiring ..
the next morni nwasnt any much better.. btu the pastor just (he doesnt knwo me) really..he said i prayed last night and the lord wants me to gie word to the following ppl.. and I was first on the list. he said NICK du nrun away..the LOrd wants u to know that he hears u. even when u think he doesnt that eveyr prayer u make are thunders in the heavens and he delights in them.. he hears u..he wil lgive u the ans u re searchin for when the tiem is right..HE wants u to kee pasking. and i was taken aback.. the pastor asked is ther a nic kard.. yeah thats wad god want me to say..
i was jsut feeli nthatway i nthe mornin. .i jsut said hais i m feeli nshitty today so much work..i du nfeel liek prayin no meanin my heart is not at peace.. and i just balh blah something amen.. more like utterin under my breath..and the i said yeah whatever..i know exactly what answer the pastor was talkin abt that GOd didnt want to give me yet. i shal lbe patient. yeah but the incident too kme by surprose..alter on were lectures..yeah pastor victor was really interestin..he is a really intelligent man.. and i feel really happy listenin to what he has t osay.. btu yeah i guess ireall yhave short attn span..
there was this part abt generation curse and so on..why i nsome fam many suffer from the same things.. ok the disease and inheritancepart.. he say spoke abt curses that last for 3 to 4 generations whule blessings go for a thousand yrs..= consequence of sins.. he say we should have a fam lienand see what has happen i no ur fam.. and fro mthere we can discover many inquities..sins that w e dunno of ourselves..hmm it was pretty interestin.. i thin k alto abt what i study.. eyah that hapens in genetic diseases eventualli theyare lost in a few generations btu he went on to say thigns liek sudden death accidents dying young.. unpleasant encounters acan ru ni nteh fam.. abusive parents abusive children.. molested paretns molested children by other ppl.... hmm i jsut didnt buy it cos it sounds almost superstitious.. a curse can mean a family havin their children dyin young of accidents for generation..i dunno i htin kaccidents are accidents..nto curses..i dunno it was a bit uncomfortable..
later the camp had a lot of stuff liek the crossin video agn..symbolic stuff mostly and more worship renouncing the sins at the cross..the last day whic hwas today tho.. was abt the HOLY spirit.. whic hspoke to me in p2.. i always knew it. and with the sprinkling of olive oil and the bringing of me to the ground..i asked for tongues..but well i dunno i du ndare speak la...tho ifeel a small small urge. but as i was lying donw. .the holy spirit revealed many things to me.. its true. it was all abt the past..it went back as far as nursery.. the little policeman toy car.. i saw my whole life palyed b4 me.. even small details i never paid attn to i tht i forgot...they came back.. the holy spirit pointed me to many reasons y i m the way i m today.. ihave many meories in my head which i knwo i have forved myself to edit to forget..but the HOLy spirit shown me everyday.. icould be dead oi tht cos i saw my entire life fkash past me so vividly. i think i havent totally recovered fro mit now. i saw many embarassing moments..
the nursery girl who i liked who first kissed me.. sheesh was so long ago..
i saw many embarassing moments..many happy moments..that i was often hapyp for the wrogn reason..many angry moments..every timethat i hurt my mum and how my mum covered up for me.. teh many many liesi told. the time i shoplfted..stole..collected money b helpin my frens do their work..i saw all my angriest moments.. wit hthe 13th story girl ..wit hteh big bird..with .. i saw the ugly side in me..unfortunately even the many girls i dated casaualy.. isaw how wrogn my life was.. and i saw how many stupid things i said...and i realised that when i said or did the things i did then was becosi saw no other way out.. i was always feeli so trapped..i fouhgt hard to snap out of it..to be honest i m stil la bit i nshock now. i just hugged my mum really tight yeah.
yeah ok i fail to organise my thts..wil ltryagain.
encounter was held i nsheares hall! how nice to stay there..i really want to..we had our own rooms. yeah pretty place. i m gonna study really hard.
and be a gd doc. haha.
i met huiqing. .she staysi nt he hall studies law..busy with rag.. haha she ask me to take part i nrag.. saysi look liek i can dance!!! sheesh..haha then i reminded her that she was triton queen.
yah we chatted for qutie long haha she promised to pull me into sheares if osa accepts me and then i must dance for rag..lol cool. i just wanna stay i nnus compounds doesnt matter where but sheares or kent ridge be nice haha. i ve decided that i ll get a mac.. the ni can be an APPLE guy. she said she wil lhelp me config and teach me how to use etc..so nice.
there was a yr 5 med student i nencounter camp.
he was from rj..he gave me various interestin revelations haha he welcomed me and congratulate me on getti nint omed..he told me that i must be feeli nreally high now..which is true..he said well hope u really have the passion its the oni way to keep u goi nfor 5 yrs.. hahaother wise teh bond wil lkeep u in too but he said the high wil lsustai nu for two yrs.. u can feel really great abt urself..habtu it will wear off. like every prestigious course.. eh says he is readi nup on finance now...med students oni knwo abt med.. ha ignorant abt much of the world. .i guesshe coudl be right. of cos he would know. he said we have all be conned in this system.. i njc we were all told to do well adn get itn omed..the future is there..or esle go get a schoalraship go serve. .be a safos..haha and whe nu cant make it u thin kt he world coems crazhin down..but the real money out there the real stuff is i n investments banking.. thigns liek citibanks schoalrships starti npay 8k... bein a doc wil learn u a more than a stabel pay it be a comfortabel pay..but it wun be an extravagant pay.. of cos its really fulfillin yeah med u ll earn abt 7k to 10 k a mth.. poof.. thats just comfortable.. i would thin kthats extravagant alr.. my dad takes home less than 2k a mth..to be exact 1.5 k a mth.. by givin tuitio ni can alr earn much mroe than him in a mth..
i never dreamed of earnin more than 2k.. i dare nto think wad kind of life that might be .cos materialistically i m mroe than satisfied now ..i m contented i always believe i have wad i need. i believed if i were born in a rich environment settin i wun be near where i m today. i may be negligent in my studies.. so PRaise the LORD always. btu yeah many of the things he said were rather disturbing.. so yeah it was a true encounter.. i heard many things..but i cant qualify and wouldnt make judgement. i l ljsut have to pray harder.
till then.
i wanna follow Jesus. no turning back.
http://www.medicus.tk/
the kiss of I would understand. at