Saturday, June 24, 2006
just came back from church. haha havent mark tml's work.
oh no.. i think elevation by U2 is a truly well rhymed song haha.
went out with the person in the shashin today. really leavign alr.. its a scary thought u know..tho i m not the one leaving. but i dunno i m gonna miss her so much. miss u i mean. i guess itsa all abt treasurin wad little time we all ve with each other. be it frens or family..
rules are meant for breakin. this week has been a roller coaster lehnew posting. tonner broke down on the way there from SI.. it was a solemn thing the entire departure from SI from my frens.. on a scale of one to ten it was a 8 for an emotional farewell..and ihate farewells. i m just not good with them.. i see myself bidding farewell to someone soon and i jsut hate that sinking feelin.
anw yeah even mr zaid was emotional. he sorta patted me gaveme a farewell gift and yeah told me nto to worry anything call him..he was actualli sweet. sheesh. amai.
but life in 1 GUARDS was terrible. it was bmt but advanced xiong like ocs but no purpose.. there was no end product. environment was liek a prison bed food everything. .tekan was pretty bad.. and i didnt really have friends that was the worst part.. i believe the oni thing that makes national service bearable is the camaraderie u share with fellow NSF but well it wasnt there the platoon there alr knew each other.. i was the new kid on the block a new classmate..i mean yeah bondignwas not so easy eyt.. the three days were torturous. .io hated bein barjkked at given oreders and having my life dictated.. i like to wear wad i want walk how i like put things as i fancy arrange things as i fancy but no.. i was close totears on the verge of reaki ndown and i was consume with anger agn.. i rmb i hadntfelt like that in a while..anger..i alwyas derived strength fro mit last itme..eveyr race i ran i think of the person i hate most.. and i completed but now i ask for strength and i cmplete wadeva race happily..
its a big diff but i felt so horrible in guards for a moment i felt abandoned i tht maybe my faith was abt to dip. .iasked WHY?! why am i here..
and i prayed and cried out to be defer immediately. and the next day it came..DEFERMENT for MEDICINE Studies.. i felt so relieved. i was alr considerin droppi nPES unlike most ppl i hate to want to downgrade .. ireall ywanna feel the army pride yeah ( there is none la) cheong for wad? 30 yr old u be walki nlike a 50 yr old trust me..but yeahit came and ifelt so blessed. i figureed GOD placed me there for three days so that i ll not forget the price. of gettin into med and deferin. that i must remember wad life could be and study hard..study really hard. .rememberin how it feels liek to be at the bottom of the food chain.GOD wanted to test me and wanted me to be strong. he wanted to show me how i was blessed! i felt so ashame of myself for doubtiun him.. i wanted to down PES alr cos my legs still aint that good. i mean i can run but i cant really jump alr..the impace on my knees and weak ankle jsut aint so good..
but my dearest frens like kaymeng prob sufferin the same fate..otehr then airforce ppl..esp kaymeng. tml is my church miracle weekend where we want ppl to see how GOD can create miraclesintehir lives all it takes is a change of mindset..and a little faith ur whole perspective u wil lfind new strength and new meaning really, i tht the miracles have nth to do with me.. i felt i want ood enuff to talk to anyone abt gGOD honestly..but he told mi to just do it.. bring ur bro and some names to church..he gave me a list..and told me i cna help these ppl..=) i really hope so..toshare with u how much my life has changed. really a great deal. i dun want to worry abt anything now cos i knwo GOD wil lfind a way for me.. be it my love life studies or wad..i just need to do my best and trust the rest to him.. everything werks out for the best..even if they dont there is a long term reason we cantsee
ok i m tired and my typi nis sketchy hahai wnana say alot but cant rmb.. i really look forward to tml..yeah.
and to start sch soon. i hope to go on a trip b4 that a short shoppi ntrip or wadeva .yeah b4 sch =) buy some nice clothes..
the kiss of I would understand. at