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Friday, June 30, 2006

after my CCB civilian conversion bath,

i decided to kiss the pink.. haha

parkview woke me up..GRRRR
the kiss of I would understand. at 5:51 PM .

delirious~ today is clearly a day to remember. i have a lot to flash man. a pink ic! hahahah. yes 30th june. is a very ahppy anniversary i shall nto foget. its like the happiest day..comparable to jp alr.

as i packed my bags and got ready to go... the bus left the camp and passed vj.. the sea bade farewell.. it was so solemn.. passing by vj was like reminding me back to a real life. back t osch! and then the radio had weather forecast for starry sunny days ahead.. whoa..

but my friends me dear frens to make this sound as NE as possible as u know social studies as possible.. we shall ve a moment of silence as i recall..

never shall wee forget teh days

a madcapp in a musical-less avenue
now frens dun take things for granted peace i l lleave u with a photo memory
hard t ocome by.. share. oh u think i m pretty funny
well let me tell u ..

the last days . the walls unforgiving , championin each other to close in on me. u think thats menancing? not quite.. u should see the faces.. its much worse than the place.

the real harbour is abook of sin which lies on the table. sin oh yes. plenty of it. i gotten to the very base of it. even the stretch of pectorals. so much for feelin victorious

u better press the great button..tho great sounds like gray and things seem grey al lteh time. the sun didnt kill. the wind did. the wind taunt every living things. the birds du nfrest on branches rests on leaf stalks.

the ppl trudge. their boots were mergin sinkin becomin one with the ground.. cell do u play cell. no promise. is the creed of deliverance,

illusion. that wads everything ought to be. where is teh love..dreams.. even dreams are in a hurry.

nick is happy.
the kiss of I would understand. at 9:01 AM .

Monday, June 26, 2006

daremoshiranai.


and then i ve to pray
for the strength to love all of them
and all that i do
is just to please my lord

hais i m in pain now. not physical
i feel so angr yand bitter now. in ur anger do not sin. but i guessits hard. i failed again.

i m in so much anguish now..i couldnt ctrl it..i wanted to argh

help me.

ishouldnt feel this way. i should be better than this now. but i still fee so angry. ihate him.

andi dunno wad to do with u. help. tasukete.
the kiss of I would understand. at 10:41 PM .

i know you want to hear me speak
but i m afraid that if i start to i will never stop.
for u i will fly. at least i will try. for u i ll take the last flight out...i am afraid u will leave. in my dreams u always stay.

i love the world i see in ur eyes.
i let you wait too long.

although its hard it scares me so. without u, it scares me more.
you belong in my life..

hmm funny lyrics ah. i reach the point i nlive where everysong i listen to can imply something. its called i can relate to i believe.

ppl use the words i believe so wrongly these days.
liek my dad..erm is my bro still in the toilet.. i believe so..

hmm ok anyhow
lyrics aint funny. i m the funny one. who can say things that mean the opposite of how i feel..

i wanna stay in HALL lead a scary life get associted with a new bunch of strangers and stay a hermit all at the same time. i want to do a lot of things. .learn alot of thigns.. iwas lookin at applications for nus hall the yare close so unfair how u expect me to apply when i oni got disruption news a few days ago btu nvm.. PS..haha pull wad? echo bunk one

yeah i think i can i have connections high powers up there..lol
wadeva la nick. u are such an iteresting creature..u constantly look for new things to worry.

guard duty at far east tonight.. ooh machiam holiday leh.. i mean its gonna be quite excitign i think.. anw the whole morning was exciting..i could strut out of camp with that dreade d black load containing my FBO! haha u knwo the feeling.. yeah but there is stil la lot of admin stuff to settle..14 autographs to find so as to settle my clearance.. argh..but the date for disruptuion is 30th june..but i cant get those signatures most pp lare on leave this week sigh.. oh well i dun care i m elated..

i have tht of a list of things to do b4 uni..ok
1) shopping
2) catch up with frens..
and i made alist of ppl i need to catch up with..

and number one has t obe see cheong..the nsome bmt platoon mates then kaymeng then so many many more.. then there are camps like encounter and so on..ooh..and then i have toget immunized and so long..check out my new accomodations and think abt wad ccas t ojoin..

i think i wil ljoinCSC community service club haha and maybe jap studies..yeah and diving or lifesaving or dunno ahha will see..yeah!

i l lstart buyin text books! haha and mug the first few chapters too! right RIGHT

carbron cabron.
the kiss of I would understand. at 2:41 AM .

Sunday, June 25, 2006

a blast! church was really packed today.

haha my mum said ok..to travelin to KL haha or anywhere.. haha so coooool.. i wanna meet up with IVY or KAilun haha free and easy just go catch up with them.. so fun.. i miss them.. yeah there is so much to celebrate.. my bro and chin bock were saved today!

yeah i brt my younger bro and chin bock to church today. although it was supposed to be eyes closed and no peepin..I Peeped. haha and when i saw them both put up their hand and do the aisle walk i was so happy..reminded me of myself .. how i felt uncomfortable at first..wit hthe loud music and all but after the sermon eevrything seemed so right and normal.. it was liek the on ione palce to be. .for the firs t time i was self conscious in front of so many ppl haha..yeah highest PRaise to HIM.

i am high. except for a few bugging things. but really they are nto important stuff t oworr yabt..haha i shal lcheris hand enjo yevery moment of my life now. i cant wait for ENCOUNTER. =)

GOD remove my silly worries and discomforts.. =)
the kiss of I would understand. at 2:34 AM .

Saturday, June 24, 2006

just came back from church. haha havent mark tml's work.
oh no.. i think elevation by U2 is a truly well rhymed song haha.

went out with the person in the shashin today. really leavign alr.. its a scary thought u know..tho i m not the one leaving. but i dunno i m gonna miss her so much. miss u i mean. i guess itsa all abt treasurin wad little time we all ve with each other. be it frens or family..

rules are meant for breakin. this week has been a roller coaster lehnew posting. tonner broke down on the way there from SI.. it was a solemn thing the entire departure from SI from my frens.. on a scale of one to ten it was a 8 for an emotional farewell..and ihate farewells. i m just not good with them.. i see myself bidding farewell to someone soon and i jsut hate that sinking feelin.

anw yeah even mr zaid was emotional. he sorta patted me gaveme a farewell gift and yeah told me nto to worry anything call him..he was actualli sweet. sheesh. amai.

but life in 1 GUARDS was terrible. it was bmt but advanced xiong like ocs but no purpose.. there was no end product. environment was liek a prison bed food everything. .tekan was pretty bad.. and i didnt really have friends that was the worst part.. i believe the oni thing that makes national service bearable is the camaraderie u share with fellow NSF but well it wasnt there the platoon there alr knew each other.. i was the new kid on the block a new classmate..i mean yeah bondignwas not so easy eyt.. the three days were torturous. .io hated bein barjkked at given oreders and having my life dictated.. i like to wear wad i want walk how i like put things as i fancy arrange things as i fancy but no.. i was close totears on the verge of reaki ndown and i was consume with anger agn.. i rmb i hadntfelt like that in a while..anger..i alwyas derived strength fro mit last itme..eveyr race i ran i think of the person i hate most.. and i completed but now i ask for strength and i cmplete wadeva race happily..
its a big diff but i felt so horrible in guards for a moment i felt abandoned i tht maybe my faith was abt to dip. .iasked WHY?! why am i here..

and i prayed and cried out to be defer immediately. and the next day it came..DEFERMENT for MEDICINE Studies.. i felt so relieved. i was alr considerin droppi nPES unlike most ppl i hate to want to downgrade .. ireall ywanna feel the army pride yeah ( there is none la) cheong for wad? 30 yr old u be walki nlike a 50 yr old trust me..but yeahit came and ifelt so blessed. i figureed GOD placed me there for three days so that i ll not forget the price. of gettin into med and deferin. that i must remember wad life could be and study hard..study really hard. .rememberin how it feels liek to be at the bottom of the food chain.GOD wanted to test me and wanted me to be strong. he wanted to show me how i was blessed! i felt so ashame of myself for doubtiun him.. i wanted to down PES alr cos my legs still aint that good. i mean i can run but i cant really jump alr..the impace on my knees and weak ankle jsut aint so good..


but my dearest frens like kaymeng prob sufferin the same fate..otehr then airforce ppl..esp kaymeng. tml is my church miracle weekend where we want ppl to see how GOD can create miraclesintehir lives all it takes is a change of mindset..and a little faith ur whole perspective u wil lfind new strength and new meaning really, i tht the miracles have nth to do with me.. i felt i want ood enuff to talk to anyone abt gGOD honestly..but he told mi to just do it.. bring ur bro and some names to church..he gave me a list..and told me i cna help these ppl..=) i really hope so..toshare with u how much my life has changed. really a great deal. i dun want to worry abt anything now cos i knwo GOD wil lfind a way for me.. be it my love life studies or wad..i just need to do my best and trust the rest to him.. everything werks out for the best..even if they dont there is a long term reason we cantsee


ok i m tired and my typi nis sketchy hahai wnana say alot but cant rmb.. i really look forward to tml..yeah.

and to start sch soon. i hope to go on a trip b4 that a short shoppi ntrip or wadeva .yeah b4 sch =) buy some nice clothes..
the kiss of I would understand. at 9:11 AM .

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

well this is one off day that i made gd use of. which there were 25 hrs in a day.

haha i woke up late in the mornin.. overslept. woke up and there was noo ne ard had to rush to wash my hair in the basin..(nick's cheapskate way of lookin like he bathed) then i searched for everything from shoes to wallet to money and everything.. its amazin wad happens at home u know when u are awya for a few days ie in camp.. cos everyhting is sorta packed neatly.. no not that packed i na way i have no clue where they are alr.. i mean sometimes i think over tidiness is irrtiatin so what if u keep the outside neat by packi neveyrthing somewhere.. ok call me lazy but i prefer to see things which i need hanging ard.. too much time in life is soent on redoin things packin and unpackin man.. and so i spent the little time i had searchin the hse for everything..in the end i made quite a mess.. sigh

but yeah had to rush to town ..met jene on the train! no not the mutant i du nthk she is psychic but she is the chic that applied to oxford with me and went for interview tgt..ha oh well yeah it was nice to see a familiar face she was with her bf..but later she sat next to me..said she got MOE scholarship cool..

i felt evil everyone was msgin me to tell mi that they will be late but nick the dick told em to hurry up haha when he himslf was gonna be quite late too..haha wads new..anyhow went to kino.. and saw many jap books.. as in english titles jap book ike da vinci in jap and so on.. hahai tried to read so cool..i miss nippon so so much leh..i want to honeymoon there ok short term backpack? haha

ate at swensens then KBOX..haha ..but today i didnt have stamina leh i felt tired..haha btu it was the first tiem i heard ppl sing canto song.. isang a jap song first love and yeah..i admire zhentai leh sign canto quite well..i want to sing canto too its nice..envy zhentai.. first time no one ordered alcohol when i k and first time got ppl smoke...oh well used to it alr i guess..haha i thin kthe k box ppl are darn smart.. but u knwo if u want a share of e pie and make money u can start karaoke with english songs? i mean their english songs aint very well established so if some entrepeneur realyl captures the emg market of kbox.. viola i thk they wil ldo well..btu first alto of werk and capital will be needed too.. i thin ki have plenty of business ideas haha..eugene was super noisy.. haha but i m glad he is high la.yeah i just like it when eugene is happy=) so much for i dun want to sing i dun want to sing haha aaiya but i must learn more songs la..always sing the same thing haha

i screwed up yi lu xiang bei leh.. hais i m stil ltryin to learn it.
weizhe's bday on thurs leh..wai po
so weird guards tml.. i mgoing to say gd bye to these ppl. it feels funny yah..like totally dunno wad to expect..
i dun wanna march ard for nth leh i want to be able to swagger OTOT.. u know live my life like its mine.. thats y i hate s icant have my phn mu ipod my clothes walk ard and d oath i like. .with nocare for ath in the world.. i feell so restricte and ctrl.. i have to march to get my FOOD.. cmon..ok ns gripes..pls plspls..may this be the last mth.i have no discipline

i du nlike farewells. hais. i suck at them. btu i thin kthe most horrible one has yet to come i think when it comes its gonna be damn tough for me. sigh. and it seems so soon. too soon can i buy time?



i cant wait for my bday!

kids these days are lazy and i feel old just saying that. they have nice families bg hse and cars. and means and tons of opportunities..sigh.i wonder if i was from a rich fam big hse big car..get eevrything i want would ibe so spoilt? will i have that much fighting spirit.. wil li always feel the need to prove. to be better than everyone else.. to be better than my cousins.. will i do well if i never felt jealous of others.. i wonder..but anyhow. i think thigns are teh way they are for a reason. i stil lve a lot of fight in me i cant wait t ostart.

mum is not feeli nwell. hasi i feel abd i shoudl spend mroe time talkin to her..but i rush to my blog everytime i get off.. sigh.

i dn make clothes sell clothes or give to salvation army. understand?
the kiss of I would understand. at 6:30 AM .

Monday, June 19, 2006

we all liek to rmb special dates. birthdates.. dates of significance. often celebrations.

departures? i dunno ppl dun liek to rmb them. get them over with i guess. btu wads realyl significant to me are days like this. i cant behave. i mean i guess i suck at farewells. i always feel liek a statue. a choking being with so much left to say. so afraid i m not behaving appropriately.. am i conscious yeah maybe i m a self conscious guy haha but anyhow i dunno.

so today was teh last day for me in SI. like how i loved the saying time heals everything. MOVE on.. lookin back is for losers.. u know..

flashback.. i guess entering SI was really sth..and oh how i dreaded the mugging the marching .. i couldnt wait for the day i was no longer trainee..no need to stand by bed and all that military trainess jargon crap and rubbish,.i hatedf bein barked at eveyrday.. and when i firs tlooked at my bunkmates. u start t oponder things like y m i here? issis cos im m smart? cos i m injured cos i slacked? cos im not fit? cos this cos that u try to find expalnations to lame things. now lame is the absolute right word bcos thats wad it is.. cos it makes no sense to thin ksuch thts but i guess its huamn nature to wonder y we are associated why we are in a certain say class?

and i tht abt the church sermon.. do nto worry its useless. by that i do not mean not palnnin for the future of cos u must take RESPONSIBILITY.. u must werk hard study hard. btu as far as things like the weather things that u cannot control are concerned DONT WORRY.. cos u cant change them anyway.. i wonder how i ll feel if i could not get into med.. will i be so strong? wil li say hmm maybe its just not my path there are better pastures out there for me.. i think i ll. yeap i ll. there are things u can werk hard for and u ought to get it ..like ur results.. getting 4As these are things everyone can achieve if they take certain steps.. but other things like uni admissions landing a particular job vocation promotion i guess these are things u cant ctrl.. and ppl as well.. u want to be popular but sometimes ua re nto meant to be.. ther eis no such thing as workin ppl bendin them round the corners for urselves

and so now i stand..departed. last day of SI.. i m chokin with words and thts.. hat every small action is unlockin a million thts in me.. yeah i ll miss everyonealot.. alot.. but its time to go.. yeah i cant wait to move on.. life has been rather stagnant.. anticipation.. i m lookin forward to life alr..perhaps on a later date i ll resaalyl miss my SI days btu for now i m good.. i guess the cycle is always the same.. in jc or sec 4 i couldnt wait for sch to be over exmas to be over....and so on see..i didnt miss VJ immediately i was happy to graduate.. but then when u re somewhere else u miss it a hell lot..

i ll miss the SI dudes no doubt. but i cant wait to movce on.. i pray to have nice reasonable commanders.. i pray i ll be motivated to excel no matter wad.. that i ll ve strength to carry out any task. that ill not seek short cuts and if there is sth meant for me to learn i ll do it with my heart.. darn i should be a poet i feel so rhytmical..if there was sucha word.. FOS.

i guess my ns buddies u knwo they say there wil lbe thsoe u keep for a life time liek my dad and his buddy i thk my buddies will come from ns.. in my bm t there was so much competitionand fakeness cos evryone was competin for a palce at ocs..for attn...everyone needed a shoutout!
but then again i m realyl lousy at keepin in touch with ppl..really. i often just lose frens along the way. but lettin go is wad life is abt no? life is made of big let goes..

speakin of corners..
world cup! i m so proud of korea..ok i ll support asian teams no matter wad.. i mproud of my beloved NIPPOn too haha,,i m so proud to be asian k..hais but not much fever..i hope brazil wins!


i wanna thank everyone for believin in me.. for bein such dear buddies.. i thin ki realyl hog the limelight..sheesh i m so popular.. haha. right tsk tsk
but yeah when i first stepped into SI and church i felt crazy and anti social.. i will rmb eugene in particular.. cos he was so humble and so willin to make frens with me. i bet i sucked at first i always pulled a logn face.. sorry dudes..i didnt want to make frens at first.. dunn oi was stupid or wad..and at first i found kaymeng irritating and weizhe a bug show off..haha i tht zhi yong was the oni nice guy..haha eyah that was in the beginning but thanks so much man u guys i wouldn be abel to pull thru without u guys.. i tht i was a lousy person u know i was convinced my bmt mates hated me and i was not good in a grp of guys.. btu u guys make me feel loved lol.. i hope we stay i ntouch

the goat.. tryin to see the best in ppl is not easy. u need to have a big heart. he is actuali a gd dude i think its just yeah..anw i m really thankful for all teh lifts he has been giving me haha i like his mum;s car and the music..eyah its nice.. u know i havent sat i na vehicle or car in a long time.. i mean my fam dun own one and yeah i m realyl thankful. i wish he will speak nicely to his mum. his mum really dotes on him.. of cos all mothers do..there should be two mothers day..fathers..sigh. no comments. yeah but i guess that was the alst tiem i took a lift from him.. he is a harmless dude realyl but i hope he gets to see more of teh world really. .it wil ldo him good.

walk out of ur well . GOD gave me legs.. i wanna go runnin all of a sudden
btu i m realyl hungry.
the kiss of I would understand. at 8:36 AM .

Sunday, June 18, 2006

i wished kay meng and so so many on my frens were with me in church today. i felt rejuvenated from a week of stupidity. it wouldn be the first time but i felt GOd speakin clearly to me. yeah

the sermon was a simple one
dont trust urself
because u think u know right from wrong.. u think u re in control.. u would like to be in control but u re not GOD..who controls even the number of strands on ur hair. self deception is the tool of the devil..
yeah we like to deceive ouselves..like to be deceived by our culture and by men..we find excuses for ourselves when we make mistakes..

do not worry
yes. worrying is devstating. y worry abt clothes food or shelter. y worry that u will have nowhere to go. yes no one wants to be average. there is nth wrong in wantin to pursue dreams to go ocs to be a pilot to go somewhere prestigious to make lots of money .there is nothing wrong in all that.. but it is wrong when u measure ur self worth based on those.. cos how high do u want up the ladder do u want to climb b4 u feel secure? u think by gettin into somewhere prestigous..will make u happy how much money do u want to make? these things should nto measure u. GOd loves u so much .. if oni u know he has a plan for all of us and we are part of his big plan.. havent u seen nature in its glory if he can provide the fields with lillies wad could be so complex for him. do not deceive urself. its a lousy struggle for self control bcos even at the very top ppl do not feel secure ppl do not find rest in stress. thats why they consult feng shui .. and all the crazy things.. delight in GOd seek righteousness and his kingdom and he will give u strength to fulfil ur dreams for the ver y dreams u have were given to u by HIM. GOD knows wads best for u.. scientist will nv create stable protoplasm bcos we are not GOD..for every detail in our life is a miracle constructed by him..ion his realm can we find answers oni..

dont doubt urself

doubt ur doubts
GOd wants us to believe in him and when he gives us HIs plans we must not doubt that we cannot achieve them. worryin is an awful habbit to indulge in. this i must rmb..

ok that was todays sermon the gist of it.. ha i obviously cant deliver it as well as the pastor lol.. but anw not bvad la considerin its all fro mmemory.. as u can see church was the best thing that happen this week. i felt totally drained this week..my legs are still kinda creaky..knees especially..cant wait to disrupt? hais i ll leave it to GOD and not worry. yeah
=)
jeremy and his gf.. he told me today they have been together for 6 yrs wow.. but he told me this
nwo jeremy is my number one person i look up to.

Our churches teaches that we should only single date if we are aiming for marriage. as in financially stable, sure of what we want in a partner and know what is expected of us as a partner. b4 this stage we should only group date ie go out in mixed groupsrelationships at teh sec sch or jc level not advised cos at that age kids have noidea wad tehy are gettin themselves into. they arent even independentas individuals or havent sorted out their own life goals and what they llstudy in uni what job etc. they are oso dating for a long period puttin themselvesat risk of fallin into sexual immorality or getting into a relationship they cant get out ofand wad abt the parents. imagine u re a parent of a sec 4 and he tells u he has a sec 4 stead.. how would u feel?not too gd rite..
the relationship must be pleasin to the parent as well cos we must honor our parents. even if they arent christian.

well for him he said he shouldn have..6 yrs qwas too long and they started out not havin marriage in mind. i guess i nv tht abt the parents part till today.. haha nick! u could be the last person o nthe planet to agree to wad was said above but as far as i know i ll try my best to live to it now. yeah.

this is prob the best way to live life.

focus u are speed.


i dun wanna believe in coincidence bcos GOD gives signs to answers i need.







u re really leaving eh. honto.

gotta book in tonight. to polish boots haha. am i lookin forward to next week? yeah sorta..haha
the kiss of I would understand. at 2:30 AM .

Saturday, June 17, 2006

oh no i m not so cheerful anymore haha.
my uncle said right b4 i enlisted, " do ur best in army try to get along with ppl, worse come to worse jsut endure no matter wad"
darn at that point of time i was thinkin..i wasnt thinkin i was like huh? why?! i strongly believed that army would be fun! sign on dude i was like oh man i m lookin forward to this make some money slack ard..heard its brainless right can get fit get tan become man.. haha i mean wads with those words.. my faasstcraft was abt to dock at tekong! wads with endure.. this is gonna be two yrs of holidays no? i mean a bunch of guys how bad can it be.. make frens..it be like VS i loved VS hahaha..ha ha ha.. till ur teeth drop out k..

so enter the wilderness and i ve t oconfess i ve never felt liek this b4. darn i used to know wad i was wakin up to.. for the oaast few months i had no idea why i woke up at all? ER.. huh? wad er ..OKAYY.. yeah thats how i pass the day. i experimental and realise that u oni need a single moanin syllable to get by an average day in army cos u dun have to think. u re in the worst kinda cell the wost kinda prison. ur mind ur very brain is not required. u have a bed u cant sleep on. u ve clothes that argh..u have no freedom. u have a reclining chair and a couple of guys who tell u where and wad u shuld do.. heck u start to speak funny and so does everyone ard u.

my journey in the wilderness.. if i were to write a thousadn word essay..i dun care if its ACE or LIVE or wad..its a bucket of tears i fear.and that u have all kinds of ppl of course u have ..i mean every fighting fit and fightin fit arse goes thru the daze...snapping of this daze will no doubt prove to be highly extraORDinarily exciting occasion dun u think so?

sheesh somedays everything can go wrong from the bed to the washing machine. i realised that my brain hasnt been used most of the time here. i can stand for 8 hrs in the sun not knowing why..once in a while the command is given to stand at ease..i dun see how standign with feet wide apart and hands behind the back make one feel in anyway easy?

oh well i hate operas.. u knowthe massive kind where one man shout limited movements lots of speeches that dun make sense tunes that oni have a few beats..yeah that kind of opera.. the one on 9th august and C.O.C. cut me some slack yeah..

i wodner how next week be like..

grr this was a terrible week.
oh well
at least i watched cars digital! haha
the kiss of I would understand. at 6:25 AM .

Monday, June 12, 2006

ths is rather cute.
http://www.epica-awards.org/assets/epica/2004/winners/film/flv/06037.htm

jay chou drove me home
zaid called me

wad an interesting day.

gym-ed at tampines i wanna develop a helmet shaped ass haha. oops sorry. ok today was hmm not the usual tuesday. i woke up yeah planned to bring my mum to the hosp to get her cardio results and accompany her for the rest of the day. haha and then zaid called. "hello this is guard room, GUESSWHO?! i have something of urs..." "oh no Zaid?" he said " yeah when u figure out wad that is call me back!" haiyo that was how i started my morning. well the first thing that came to my mind was my camp pass but obviously not i had it with me and he wouldnt know to call me ..camp pass doesnt have my namae. so i guessed the worst and called back...11b? BINGO. "and he went on and on u know if u know zaid..argh ano hito wa totemo ooki atama. suck thumb man. gojyu dollar? he siad so u pay me 50 bucks? or wad 5 dollars? u knwo what wil lhappen if u go unit alr .. ah HA kanashiina? ano hito wa yasashikutemo kowai desu. hontoni kirai. in the end i said dun lidat la ill find u treat u k? make peace. truly a good nick.

hosp was a waste of time all the waiting and non stop waiting a coupel of realyl frindly but relativvely inexperienced nurses drew blood so many times from my mum cos couldnt realyl find a good place and apparently her vein was too small but from what i saw it wasnt so. it looked pretty big. oh well. goin to the hosp is soecxciting i just keep seeing myself with a stethoscope on! haha yeah and i watched various ppl, families, prisoners, convicts askin all sorts of questions. its really interesting .therer is so much life out there. NS oh u poor thing. my cell mate says he cant wait to enter Ns aint no wad he is saying haha. but yeah i watched this funny two brothers. the boy was swinging his toy ard and it smacked his youngers bro eyes..ahha and the bro cried! and the mother smacked the elder's eyes. haha and she said "play pay play if he goes blind i l lstick out ur eyes!" haha then i said like that u ll ve two blind sons! oh no..lol i think she heard me oops.

haiyo i fee l very weak now leh. when i do gym i used to be capable of much more .now i can oni run. but tampines pool and gym has been upgraded. so its pretty cool afterall it was where i learned to swim hahaha special memories.. i took photos but lazy to put up today.

i feel like taking leave next sat leh. hais i wannaplay bball... but too bad la huh. next week is so uncertain go unit..haha but it be in bedok! which is pretty cool hopeful i can take one hr off to colelct my Alevel cert! haha yafen is so lazy to collect finidng excses not to collect oni..tsk tsk.. says she doesnt want it ..hhaha haiyo some ppl ah.. go uk la go la.. she doesnt mind mailin me the authority card to take her cert lol..which is more troublesome i wonder? haiyo.. but i was on the treadmill for an hr today..i saw yafen leavign the airport.. so sad..when i run wadeva i m thinkin abt in my sub sub conscious wil l surface out esp when i reach the trance state..hais i dun want u to go..

treadmill the reason why my mum couldnt get her cardio results was the last time she couldnt complete the cardio test. the moment the treadmill's speed increased sher vomitted and had to stop so the ycoudn complete the test at all.. now the alternative is to use drugs.. injec ther heart to make it werk faster and see how she reacts.. there are risks involved ..haisi feel liek aski nher to forgo it..btu i know its best for her to check..its really not good..anw i have faith in the doctors..and in GOD of course.

i have faith in honesty too .i have always been honest and returnin ppl their stuff..today i did somethign realyl honest .. yeah i feel proud of myself i guess thats y ppl are willin to return me my 11b.. haha yeah.

oh yeah actual imy dcell can coem watch me march! i just tht of it! genius rite? but sky is an idiot. haha i shall take me SAR21 and shoto into the sky.. brillant. its liek so near yet so far the yare palyin at mt batten stadium so near haha..oh well..jay chou drove me home today.t hecab driver was crazy eh wore a cap listened to really techno musci beat three traffic adn spoke to himself.. he comemnted that some dude stole a cab to earn money stolen cab driving ppl ard...was he talkin abt himself?! he was totally attitude!! my mum was qutie scared haha..yeah he was jay chou he kept mumbling...and he had frumpy hair. lol

speaking of blind yesterday was a blinding dday. the sun was hot and i was doing SK aka menial tasks i nthe camp with junming.. we had to clean the drain csweep SI and decorated the whole place with banners.. hais for the COc parade...all bcos my name is not TIMOTHY! the slack mutant. yeah haiyo my life and banners.. reminds me so much of sC but at least thats like realli my job in sc i feel proud to hang VJ's name esp in nj..hahah duri nthe soccer match.. lol but haiyo not SIGNALS..lol but lots of emotions ran as i climbed the ladders adn various structures to hang them up. .i miss school .to put it plainly .be it epps vs vj gogaku haiyo..
i wanna go back real soon! think ill join? hmm X country? lol

anw kay haiyo u dun understand the word perfect dude. perfect is not whats on the surface. i m not philosophical or wad. but some ppl believe in chance coincidence or fate..of cos now i believe in GOd's plans for us all. sometimes we cannot be so one track mind eh.. it doesnt have to be ocs yll to be perfecto. sometimes things are perfect just the way they re.. huiling was sayin she believes ahundred percent in fate now. .wad else could it be? she never saw herself doing law..all the yrs toiling with science meant either some funky overseas research schoalrship or medicine..butnowlaw.. sometimes life ..imena life was never supposed to be planned..different ppl are meant to lead different lives and opportunity cost states that one experience cannot be traded for the other. i believe wadva experience u get in life, there is a fix ratio of pain happiness toil that has to be put in.. yeah even a baby who loves for 5 hrs experience them in the seconds. stop feelin sorry for urself baby. its silyl ..u are smart hardwerkin have brains and friendly dude.. many ppl out there are so much less fortunate. and its not that u should look on the bright side man i know u have expectations of urself we all do.. but maybe they are not correct? yeah no one took ur pilot wings aways u just werent meant to fly in that direction. can? i dun wanna leave my SI frens.
human life is too filled with details.. details and more details.. but the almighty created the big picture. we designed our own details amd problems to trap ourselves. take a step back and u ll see that there are many things to be thankful for yeah?

cos yesterday i met up with my junior eric for dinner after all the menial tasks..i was early and took 190 to dhoby ghaut to change 36 jsut for kicks i like taking bus esp of nostalgia routes i hope bus 53 never changes route. and a blind man he was nt wearin shades so he was v blind his eyes were nto there goldfish eyes.. a lto of white.. he was feelin his way ard with a fold up chair, walkin state adn large sling bag on his shoulders. so u knwo the moment he got off the stairs he surged forward adn banged into this couple..he looked liek he ;s been travelin for days and i m not surprised at the rate he gets ard or rather may never get around at all without knowning. see he nearly banged int ot his couple. his chair smacked them and the guy was like eeyer brushed him aside.. and he carried on lurging forward onto the road. now i dint step in at first cos i really wanted to knwo how blind ppl get ard.. i have always been impressed byt he blind wh oclaim to be able to feel tehir way round.. btu i guess it aint so.. he walked str off the bus stop onto the road and the buses were drivin ZOOMIN by real quickly . i sprinted forward to pull him back wit hanother manl he is a lot bigger in size than me.and then he was stil lfeeli nwith his palm.. he placedhis hands on the sides of a speeding bus.. like tryin to feel a wall but it aint no wall it was a speeding bus.. i really tug him ack.. subsequentl;y all the bus behind had to stop cos of him.. and he went to all of them mumblin unclearly suntec? i knew 36 goesthere adn i was takin 36 so i told him to sit down du nworry i ll get him there..wehen the bus came i br thim up the bus ..got him a seat .. the bus was really packed but lucky ppl gave up for him. but they had to la.. i mean he was carryin sp many things and cos he ve no clue where he is. he was jsut smackin eveyrone all ard him with the objects..in the end i got all his stuff and placedi t down for him i told him i ll let him knwo when e got ot suntec i asked whci hpart of suntec he wanted to go.. i suspect he is a mild retard.. he said carrefour.. and when the bus was abt to reach he took out his discman and this speakers and placed the m near his ears.. his speakers are the oens i used to listen to my ipod at night.. yeah it was just a sigh t that man was lugging so many things.. he took out a ourse fro mhis bag to blow his nose! he prob tht it was tissue paper..

it was a sad sight but i didnt want to alight at carrefour i was goineast coast. ia asked a lady if she mind bringin him to carrefour..she said defensively at first but i m not heading ther eand stared at him in disgust..i asked her could u just help him open the door in suntec adn hand him over to someone else wad was a blind doing alone out in the streets man. but as teh bus lef ti saw he rholding hands with him..and i guess she might have changed her mind and brt him all the way to carrefour..yeah there are nice ppl ard..

btw the word menial is sensitive .. i rmb in sc tehre was a huge debate over its use ..some scs were accusin others of shunning menial tasks and rhetorical qns arosed on wads menial? how should one edefnine a job to be more menial than others ..u mean unglam jobs are less impt.. sigh and the meeting ended rather bitterly. haha cos in sc everything is menial but thats y u were eleceted in i guess. of cos the re are lots of cool jobs but it aint cool most of the time.. but oh well so long ago.. now everything i do is menial!

meetin up with eric was fun haha.. my favourite junior. ok i m biased. i hope he gets into medicine too.. malaysians shuld ve more advantage la.. so many malaysian docs outthere..haha

and alas i bht myself


malay guidebooks

bahasa melayu boleh!




the kiss of I would understand. at 6:57 PM .

Sunday, June 11, 2006

my slippers are real cool! funky

haha ohana lilo and stitch.my bro watched the show ten times i think. he thinks its really nice. sigh i had a long entry yesterday abt the camp livingstones camp but my comp my net cranked up and i dint managet opost. so sadi stayed up till late to complete it but it just argh. haha cant remember my thts alr i guess.

tuition was fine. sigh children can be really lazy bummers. was i different? hmm no leh i loved studying always. i hated exams yeah but i loved studyin maybe cos i really liked the subjects i did. and for thosei dun like (dun ve la) maybe like art? haha but art was oni a bit in lower sec? i dunno i think interest plays a huge part. i liked studyin chinese but i was no good at it and i didnt liek memorising so i guess my chn aint good still tho resutls say otherwise. which reminds me that sometimes we dun always get to do what we want or like to we must know what we have to. yeah. children thedse days ok i have a soft spot for them. im not a meanie tutor and apparently news have spread that i m a very good tutor been gettin more and more calls. the agencies said that my customers have all given very good feedback abt me. so i m really pleased. praise the LORd i ll attribute everything to HIM. yeahbut these children help them, they are lazy. ok maybe i wun be able to understand but whats with rushin dashin to the computer the moment the lesson is over so they can start gaming. hais m i taht different? i never NEVER got gaming. like wads so fun sittin in front of teh comp? pressing a few buttons. i oni chat online if i could i would call the person out. i rather talk to ppl. go out take trips. sigh why stare at a screen? and let it tell ur mind wad to do? its like living in an artificial world. well almost. sigh if i m that good tutrp u claim i mto ur parents then y cant u are listen to me. and stop dreading it when i ask u to do more werk? tsk. ok enuff ranting. hais if i was that good, i should teach my brother right. after all everything that i earns goes to supporting his tuition fees. haiyoeven so its not enuff. his expenditure is much more. the irony is i dunno iu cant teach my own bro it feels so different.
number one i cant ask him what he is doing? he feels like i m what? checkin on him? number two even if i tried sometimes i cant acept why he is so much slower why he cant grasp things that are like snap snap fingers to me. but i can overcome that. i try my best not t oyel lat him or frighten him he is my bro afterall. numebr thre i can sense he feels inferoor whenever i teach him. its not easy really. my mum always tho not intentionally but says things liek u re nto like ur bro. told u not to do trip science blah blah..which is really not productive remarks. hais it all seems silly and stupid reasons but they are so real. the soln of spending 1000 plus elsewhere a month to help him is a hefty price. but not everything is so str forward. i cant jsut grit my teeth and ok coem here take out all ur werk. tellin him to do stuff is alr quite difficult. i dun even know wad to say when he decides du nwant la let me do this first. and when i tell him wad to do tell him to try to understand he says things liek nvm la this type one mark oni or sth lidat. its so so difficult. the problem with most children who are struggling is that they are too lazy to flex their cranial muscles. its as if doing so will hurt them. when the yare stumped they ratherstay stumped. move on. i need to gel my hair play my comp listen to music watch tv.

i wasnt a geek. yeah no way but i never did any of the above in my academic yrs. i had no interestin in tv or comp games. i chatted a lot onlien durin the hols. i never bothered with my hair. i hated the smell of wadeva u apply. i thk natural is best. maybe its cos pp ltell mi i m gd lookin all teh time. oops jsut kidding but i do get it alot. i think u are gd lookin when u know what u are doing. hais thousand dolalr soln til lthe end of this yr i guess. honestly i think all his outside tuition are not effective either. i du nreally want to comment but yeah it really is up to the individual when it comes to studying. i dunno. during my sch yrs i nv had time i was always super busy with so many so many activities. i dint have the free time like these ppl. its sad really. when wil lthey realise?

but it made me think al ot abt myself adn alot abt the three days church camp.i always felt no one would understand. yeah i returned from three days of network camp. hmm i never tht i would go for a church camp. when i went for the camp i wasnt sure wad i was up for. i dunno i dint exactly want to socialise. i never tht i would go back to church in the last 5 yrs. i was running away from GOD i guess. ifelt no one underdstood me at all. that i dun care even if there was gOD. i dint want to know why i m living anymore. i wish i wasnt eveyrday. i just told myself that i ll keep achieving . resutls meant eveyrthing. i needed tohog the limelight i felt i needed toplease everyone. i made frens becos i had to. i could nv get the girl i liked but it jsut made me feel angry all the time i was so angry. everyday. i had a lot of pride .i couldnt accept many things. that i cant be a pilot. when i couldnt go ocs, there was not even a straw for me to hold on. i almost wanted to sign on with the navy. i just felt that i was going no where.o h so what who knows? who understands ok my frens know. my close frens know. but they du nunderstand why i feel that way. i guess. and in army it feels worse. poly students or i felt that goint ochurch wad would anyone know? cmon they know meh how i feel that i needed to execel as much as i needed air to breathe. i had to run faster swim faster. i couldnt take it when pp lwere better than me. i was always jealous of everything even tho many wouldnt understnad. they wil lthink i m crazy if i felt lousy abt myself. to my relatives, myeveryone no one knows ath. it started with a deal. i told GOD jsut for fun and cynically, u should u atre there make me pul lthru my firld camp, i ll go back to church. andi didand he gave me the strength to do all my route marches even the 24 k one i nwhoch by the 12 k i was limping agn. route marches fast marches are really strengthnous exercise. for me i m carryi nhalf my weight almost. and i pulled thru. it was hard to believe. it make me ask if there was a limit to the human spirit. the limit is really ur faith. ur mental strength from which GOD gives. and the icing on the cake was when i passedm ysoc test. it was the one thing that cost me. and i asked GOD for strength when at one point i could ntake it. he helped me glide thru the rest of it. i felt the extra energy all of a sudden . i got up and fought back. i apssed my soc with half a leg. i relied totall on one knee. jumped of everything with my gd leg.and on recrutis night he made me feel the presence of my self worth. He said that glories adn achivements are always personal. they need not be recongnise by the world always. as long as u know wad u have overcome and feel proud of urself there was no need for anyone else to give u recognition. ur frens wil lbe wth u anw. they do not need u to wear a mask.

going back to church was really a shaky experiene cell was the last thing i saw myself doing. i was frightened. of the messages joshua were sending me. but he was someone i realyl respected. he seem so confident that there really is nth to worry abt at all in life. just pray just pray. made everything sound so simple. i was weary. but i looked up to him. army man. and during the camp he prayed the nicest prayer for mi. he told me not to doubt anymoee to stop running away but run towards god. jpshua said eveyrthing i needed to hear.

we are all so different and it dint matter to me for the first time. i ve always been prejudice towards aothers. it mattered where they schooled to me. but not anymore. their achievements are greater and less than u on the same day. and it has nth to do with u. we were split teh cells. it was random and i was afraid i didnt want to talk to ppl. for the first time i felt shy in front of girls. haha. thats realyl sth new for nick. but i was realyl thankful when jeremy told me we were i nthe same grp. he was my leader. jeremy is truly a man of GOD. he understands everyone so well. esp me. he knows eveyrthing and prob has gone thru more than wadi have adn everything i have.his prayers always speak my mind.it waseasy to tell him wad i worried abt. it was fun hanging out with jeremy. a really cool dude. from vj of cos. ha i hope i be his junior soon. yeah but beyond that he nv worried he is always so calm. and willing to listen to ppl. he wil lno doubt make a good doctor.

thru the psalms GOd has shown me that he created everything in this world. of cos i m a bio student. i love bio. even as i lament the amt there is to commit to memory it ust makes m e think how perfect all these every single life processis. bio has always been my fav sub jbio and maths . god created maths. i liek to think he decides when the human race progress. when it is time for new discoveries to be made. and someone with a willing heart will contribute to mankind. whne heddecided it was time for antibioties to be discovered he chose alexander. yeah evrythingis by GOD. how could i be so foolish to thin kmy problems my heart is too complex for him to grasp. he prob knew long ago that i ll dread army life anw and goin ocs was nto gd for me. HE prob knwos wads best for me. when he helped me enter med sch. i could feel he was there .thruout the interviews he spoke to me and guided my answers. nth intimidated me. th othe odds of ebtering were so low he helped me pul thru it.i m grateful. i promise to study so hard and be a healer. to be a great doctor one day. i will heal body and minds.

ill be a sin fighter. and seek him.whenever i m in doubt now. the camp make me realsie why i do many things i used to do. and that it was wrong. some rely on chariots and horses but we trust in god. yeah i l lrely on my abilities. he has blessed me with intellect i ll remain hardworking and trust HIm for opportunities.

oh on the side note edgar gave me a scare. pneumothoraic. lungs leakage and sudden collapse. eh was rushed to the hosp for sugery i was so frightened. ha btu he was all laughing hhwne i visited him. yeah he had 23 visitors! oh man. btu yeah it was a no joke condition. tho he prob wun die. spontaneous pneumothoraic is fine but if pnuemo thoraic occurs by accident or injury then its dangerous. coswhen air leakes to the outside everybreath u take wil lkill ur other lung. but if it occurs spontaneously inside u ll stil lahve one lung and can be fixed. jeremy explained to me. but nevertheless cahcnes of recurrance exist and yeah he prob cant do physcial activities anymore. hmm

its back to real life. i nv tht i be in a church camp. i used to snigger at groups of church campers runnin all ard public places. i said go study du nwaste ur time. haha but i was in one. i think my angels are enjoyin a good laugh now. a sign that u ahve enjoyed is when u are wishy washy abt returning and tring to adjust back to reality. to understnad that oh man im back camp's over. liek going o na long tour esp to japan. but amw i m ready for ath. now.

back to real life. schedule is pretty bad now. tuition and all. i want to go to church. i feel squeezed like a sardine in a can.
the kiss of I would understand. at 12:04 AM .

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

im home! on leave. the feeling is wonderful.l i dun wanna be anywhere else.

the specs moved in. many many vj frens are here. 2 out of three awaitin ooc tho. talki nto ming joo and nicholas now. ha almost an S15 gatherin alr this week.minus the ocs ppl. greg is pending ooc . liren too. sigh army;s no fun. so many unhappy incidents. so many unwilling parties. y? haha the solution is further reduction no?
haha

i havent spoken to greg or nicholas in a logn t ime. i spent time catchin up with greg haha as usual super funny. i wanted to treat him macs but he refused and paid me ten bucks. i didnt have change! ten bucks for a meal! oh my. yeah told me the doctor told him to take up pilates LOL thats realyl funny greg. y du nu try yoga he said "yah SHOULD be LA" haha should be is HOW MANY PERCENT?! lol i think we will all be still B.A.B.E.s ten yrs down the road. Bitching. About. JJ* everyday/ time
lol yeah so we spent the night talki nabt ben and the candle in the wind story! haha and how all our frens are dicks. haha even the farm animal. so its his bday tml leh. haha greg say he is gonna buy a game for himself so that he can paly with goat haha it goes liek this " eh tze yang, i decided to buy myself *a certain game* so that i can paly wityh u in future. well happy bday. see u online i know u alr have the game and got no one to play with being such grwat pals of urs" hahhaa

the BEn of brothers indeed. nicholas was describing how sittin on a reclining chair in an air con room with one television and being forced not to move abt but to keep his eyes on the screen liken to living in jail. haha its TOrture. he ooc from combat medic course. but super bosan la

so much for a reunion but guess wad ithere is gonna be another reunion! i met allan phua on the bus. the allan my p sch and sec sch class mate who lives in apsirris. he is in first guards! comabt engineer. yew hua too in guards scout! so welwill all be i nthe support comapny!! argh haha wad a reunion. so cool. haha but i l lmost prob havet odo GCC with the bedsheet ic. haha ok i ahve to admit it sounds liek fun. but i dun want. 12 km fast march. repellin and 2 km costal swim. haha preogressively. can dun progressive not? just get to the test. do everything in one day! please

i want to defer..sob sob the bedsheet ic has plans.

tml is netwerk camp. yeah need to change frequency. i m out of camp!
as in ns.

i was looking thru my junior's swim photo. haha they had some kinda inter college meet with cj and tj. lol they look realyl happy .i miss those days so much man. jsut keep swimming jsut keep swimming. i m dory the fish! or so says some haha


haha sg idol. ooh jasmine sang well proud of her. and the noisy twins are on tv too. haha
the kiss of I would understand. at 7:01 AM .

Monday, June 05, 2006

i think meeting ppl. bumpin into ppl on the street is a nincredibly exciting thing. i think t hat its human psyche to feel that we wil lmeet the ppl we least want to all the time
haha yuan jia lu zai. haha anw yeah i bummed into K my bio tutor yest and my swim team mates juniors jsut now. was pretty cool to see them. i hope i can take leave to support the finals. better yet jsut go attn the finals with no ns obligations. haha pray.

oh and i guessits the same feeli nwith buses. when u dun want them they keep coming. stupid 190 is always coming to taunt me when i wait for 985. haha and vice versa. it seems i ve no bus luck. the bus i want to take is never there. i must have jsut missed it. ALl the time.

no bus luck
i jsut tht abt it. qutie nice leh. the tw odudes who sat in front of the class. 2A 3D 4D both goin accepted by NUS. one med and one law. haha my best fren is gonan be a lawyer.haha so cool. yeah.
the kiss of I would understand. at 6:21 AM .

yanling sent me this site which is pretty nice. i like the pictures
http://mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/
hais i wish i can take leave backpack go travel witha couple of gd frens take ltos of nice photos. on a shoestring budget. endless sunset and rise.
yeah b4 we all go uni and get on with the next phase of life.

oh chariot. this is the first time in my life i aint feeling wishy washy. doubtful of ath regretting anything. wishin things werent so. the firs time in my life i didnt wish the time machine was invented. yeah which feels good. ok i wish the time forwarder was invented haha. firsttiem i m bent on looking forward its a nice difference. i used to wih i was still in japan. still in jc still in vs. used to think that my life is filled with regrets. i guess its been a defining month. as empty as life seems. sometimes emptiness is full. wow cant stand it. stop actin philosophical. its all becos i jsut listened to shi guang ji by may day.

haha right i hope my next entry would be written in bahasa broken melayu.

i m lookin forward to july. hopefulli by then i be leadin a busy interestin learning life. i wanna g oback to school! that will be the best bday present i think. yeah bday got leave leh. i hope. haha that will be ncie too. july got many of my frens bday.

ten percenter. hq sent me an article
i guess i aalways felt that way. i always felt liek a ten percenter. not in vs. but in vj. where i have no clique and eventauli find the rest to depend on .teh so called floaters. btu eventuali its a clique too. i guess i had no read interest. so achieving is a form of escapism. jsut glad to get by. i dint understand or fil llike i want to know the rest of the world. yeah well thats wad the ysaid abt life. one day u realise there isn t that much to it. if u subscribe to a system of ladder and heights.

attach the article i shall.

its a monday. i m on leave. but i m mentally tired to go out. ha i m thankful for the extra income i m getiing. and i kinda liek my job oni. ppl are nice. i m blessed but well i dun like lazy students. haha but yeah i love the teo family. hmm my other deals dun seem to be coming thru. tsk so much for the excitement.

Ten Percenter - Part 1 - June 1, 2006
If you enjoy this site, if you identify with this site, you have a split personality. No, you're not mentally ill. In fact, you're very healthy - healthier than most around you. But you are two people. You must be two people in order to maintain your life. If they knew who you really were, they'd fire you. For good reason.
You probably wake up like I do every day, amazed that they haven't caught on to the fraud. When will the other shoe fall? It's only a matter of time. I don't deserve these checks. I'm not a team player. I'm not even playing the same sport. Every day that goes by is one more successful charade - another scene you've convincingly played in the longest running comedy you'll ever see. You find yourself feigning interest in all sorts of conversations within generally accepted work topics: the weather, lawn care, the satisfaction having a new roof with a five-year warranty. But you never discuss anything that might get to the meat of who you are. You never let "you" out of the box. This stifling of the self can be maddening. You might someday feel the need to be honest with those in your work or school world - to attempt to merge the two spheres of your existence. Suppress that urge. Bury it. It doesn't work.
Way back in my first semester of law school, my buddy Wallace schooled me on a fundamental truth: there exists an inescapable chasm between two types of personalities in the legal profession.
"Some dude just flamed on me for using a copy of his outline. He actually tried to take it back from me. Demanded I give him the copy in my hand. I didn't know what to do. I just cracked up laughing. What the fuck? Can you believe that?"
Wallace spoke calmly. "Yes... Cut throats. This is life and death to them. They bought into the whole charade."
was baffled. "He can't be taking this shit that seriously. I mean, he was angry. He was barking about how the outline was his, and that it was somehow cheating for me to use it. I thought he was going to take a swing at me when I refused to turn over the copy. Nobody is that big a fucking tool.”
Wallace stared up from his newspaper. "Don't try to understand. You won't 'get' those people. This is their life. They're warped, true believers. Like those people crying and screaming in front of televangelists - it's their religion. You're fucking with his world. If you screw up the grading curve by using his outline, he might not make law review, and if he doesn't make law review, he might not get the most prestigious on-campus interviews. If he doesn't get those interviews, he won't get the most prestigious summer position available. Then his life is over. This. Is. All. He. Has."
I remained unconvinced. "Nobody's that deranged." I insisted.
Wallace laughed. "You're fucking blind. You don't understand. You're a Ten Percenter."
"Ten Percenter? Like the Pixies tune or the Nation of Islam?"
"Look, ten percent of the people here are like you and me. We don't fall into a clique. There's no connection, no shared background to bond us with the rest. That's a good thing. Eventually, all the Ten Percenters find one another. They don't form a clique, but they help one another out."
"Doesn’t law school followed the 'Two out of Ten Rule?'" I asked.
Wallace shook his head. "Apples and oranges. The 'Two out of Ten Rule' states that two out of ten law students are tolerable... that you can spend more than twenty minutes in close quarters with them and not want to shoot yourself. The 'Ten Percent Rule' is totally different."
I liked to think of myself as one of the most social people around. Just a year prior, I headed my fraternity's social fund. I bristled at the notion I could be an outsider. "That is the biggest pile of horseshit. I can fit in anywhere." "Dude, you are in the bizarro universe. Black is white, up is down, all the sinners saints. Everything you've been conditioned to think is socially endearing, everything you think is funny... it's all foreign to them. I have never tried to mix my actual life with this world, with these people. That'd be a fucking disaster."
I tested Wallace's theory the week before Thanksgiving in my last year of law school. The student council rented a bar the third Thursday of every month for a free beer and wine party. Due to the Thanksgiving holiday that month, bar night was cancelled, leaving several hundred dollars in the student council account unspent. Through Wallace, I was friendly with a student council representative, Christine. During a Guinness-soaked, late-night conversation at a watering hole near campus, Christine and I decided it would be a good idea to purchase three kegs of beer and throw the party at my house the Friday before Thanksgiving.
"Absolutely! Great idea. I'll get to meet some of those people I don't know." Actually, I'd been in a horrible dry spell at that time and was desperate to meet women, any women - even law school women. Christine printed up fliers announcing the party and posted them about the school.
Wallace, who'd already graduated and moved away, didn't think highly of my decision. "I'm not flying out for that. You think I want to spend my weekend with more fucking lawyers?"
"I need to meet some chicks." I complained to him.
"Get an escort," he snapped back.
"I'm fucking destitute," I protested.
"Take out a bar review course loan," he replied, dryly.
"I think I'll try the party first. What's the worst that could happen?" My housemates decided that my law school party was an excellent opportunity on which to piggyback their own "build the bar" party. They called a bunch of their friends in the area, which included several of my college friends, and told them to attend, with just one requirement: they each bring a bottle of liquor to "build the bar."
My buddy, Alex, however, couldn't attend. "Duuuuude, your timing sucks. I'll be returning from a hockey tournament late that night." I was secretly glad he couldn't make it. Alex was a huge, hulking lunatic who'd become one of my best friends in law school. If there was any evidence to support Wallace's contention that the Ten Percenters find one another, it was my meeting Alex. As I recall it, there was nothing to distinguish me from any of the other people in the law school library that day. I was utterly unremarkable - another average guy highlighting Emanuel's outlines. Alex just walked up and said, "Hey, what's going on?" After about five minutes of conversation, I knew Alex was a Ten Percenter. I knew that because I'd known Ten Percenters my whole life. I'd gravitated toward them and they to me. At every juncture - high school, college, now grad school, I found myself surrounded by people who thought in a fashion just a shade outside the perceived norm. I'm not talking about bizarre counterculture people here. Ten Percenters aren't stoners, geeks, goths, computer freaks or loners. They're not rebelling against anything. In fact, they look and act entirely average in every regard. They operate like highly functioning alcoholics. One may have performed surgery on you. Another might have been piloting the plane you were on yesterday. The difference between a Ten Percenter and anyone else is so subtle you could easily miss it. Ten Percenters hold a viewpoint, an attitude and a sense of humor ever so slightly tweaked from the everyman's.
I didn't seek the Ten Percenters, nor did they seek me. In fact, I tried several times to avoid Ten Percenters and engage with the other 90% at several junctures in my life. Try as I might, I never fit. I couldn't get truly interested in that world. I'd always return to the Ten Percenters. If there was one common thread among all of the Ten Percenters I've known, it's a pragmatic understanding that we're all just parts of a cosmic comedy. Ten Percenters seemed to take life a little less seriously than the 90% of law students biting their nails, tearing out their hair, scribbling notes furiously, retyping outlines, chain smoking outside the library and mainlining espresso. They live in the moment a bit more than the others. They didn't buy into the merry go round of non-stop devotion to the field on which the school tried to place us. That put them at odds with the other 90%.
Ten Percenters cannot work to their full capacity at something unless they find it engaging. It's impossible for Ten Percenters to invest themselves in anything, school or work, to the extent that it becomes their life, unless the subject absolutely fascinates them. I always thought it sounded absurd when my law professors made statements like "I never had time to read a newspaper in law school" or "Law is a jealous mistress. It becomes your life." I had no idea that, to a large chunk of the other 90% nodding their heads in agreement, the idea of letting a career comprised largely of tedious organizational tasks take over your life sounded sensible, accurate, natural. Wallace labeling me a Ten Percenter wasn't an epiphany. He'd just given a name to what people like Alex, he and I knew we'd been our whole lives.
I know what some of you are thinking. "Who is this arrogant bastard to claim that he belongs to some exclusive club?" I'm not claiming membership in an elite fraternity. We're all over the place, and law is particularly infested with us. In truth, I think we'd be better described as Twenty Percenters, but I didn't coin the term, so it's not mine to adjust. And if you think that I wanted to be a Ten Percenter, you couldn't be more wrong. I'd have loved to have been able to invest myself fully in law like so many of my classmates. I'd have given anything to have been able to say, "I find this work fascinating," without smirking. Of course, the Ten Percenter enjoys some of whatever office work he does, even law, but routine and repetitiveness ultimately drive him to despair. He's dogged day in day out by the recurrent voice, echoing through his head.
I can't do this for the next 30 years. I can't keep coming in, day after day, sitting at a fucking desk, reading cases, writing arguments, dictating letters, fighting over nothing.
Don't think for a second that I'm advocating being a Ten Percenter. I happen to like the powers of perception that seem to come with it, but given the choice, I'm not sure I wouldn't prefer to be happily ignorant, or better yet, irrelevant. You don't work or wish yourself into Ten Percentership - it just happens. It's you. You don't have a choice.
Everybody - the full 100% - knew who Alex was. He had one of those personalities that jumps off the page - equal parts menacing and absurd. He was one of the few people I'd known whom I wouldn't be surprised to learn died in a fiery crash being chased by fifteen patrol cars. Alex was at once one of the brightest and dumbest people I knew. He had a "tilt" mechanism in his brain. When he reached a certain substance ingestion level, the machine went on auto pilot, turning him into a cross between Belushi and Neal Cassady. Alex was unpredictable and usually unstoppable, with a bottomless taste for psychedelics. Unbridled by boundaries of money, time, distance or common sense, he was the sort of person who'd start the weekend at the corner pub and end it one thousand miles away, penniless, wandering about a hotel room, nothing but "How?" in his head. When Alex was dosed, which had seemed to be every other day during our third year, he could not be controlled. I had holes in the hallway walls, a shattered living room mirror and a set of blown Bose 301s to prove it.
"Dude, that really sucks. I just got a quarter sheet," Alex lamented when I told him about the party.
"A quarter sheet of acid? How in the hell did you get that?"
"It came with my car."
"What?"
"I bought this Olds '98 off this stripper a guy on my team introduced me to. She couldn't get the title squared away, so I did it. She gave me a quarter sheet of acid for my troubles," he matter-of-factly noted, in the same voice he might use to ask if I had change for a dollar.
Sure enough, in front of my house was parked a massive yellow 1986 Olds 98.
"That has to bee the ugliest..."
He cut me off, "Yeh, ain't it great?"
For just about everybody, such a transaction would be quite unusual. For Alex, it was par for the course. If we were both Ten Percenters, he belonged to a subgenus of One Percenters who lived in a world too strange and ugly for the other nine percent of us. To Alex, getting acid from a stripper as a vehicle purchase incentive was as regular as receiving free snow tires. When I learned that he had that much acid, I was thrilled he couldn't make it. I'd already lost my share of the security deposit to the holes in the walls. The last thing I needed was to be in hock to my housemates for another set of speakers because Alex decided again - in the midst of three-dose, paranoid mania - that he needed to hear Black Sabbath's "Supernaut" at top volume.
"The team is renting a UHaul and driving back from tournament with a keg. If we get back in time and I'm still walking, I'll have them drop me off."
"Sure, great," I responded. He'll never make it.
I didn't think much about the party until the morning of the day it was to take place. As I was leaving class, people started coming up to me asking for directions. I soon felt dejected. I gave directions to a pack of doughy library jockeys who resembled Botero caricatures. I was accosted by two middle aged "gunners" who demanded to know not only when the party started, but what food I'd be serving. I saw piles of pimpled faces, fat asses, round heads, bad skin, big hair, high pitched nasal voices and enough bad breath to fill a dirigible. I handed out the address and telephone number to every group imaginable - Federalist wannabes, the Moot Court Board, the Sports & Law Review, the Environmental Law Review and the Civil Rights Law Review. I handed them out to a loner in a raincoat smoking a butt outside the school who addressed me with, "You! Where do you live?" Even the creepy librarian who wore bolo ties and smoked hand rolled cigarettes got my address. But not a single hot woman inquired the entire day.
To make matters worse, my roommate, Lewis told me that afternoon that "Malibu Kas" and some of her friends would be attending. Not a good thing. Kas was a seventh-year UCLA undergrad majoring in black-market pharmacy studies - a trollish girl who never stopped talking or smoking. She was one of those women who knew she'd never get a man, so she made herself a drug monkey. That way, men would have a reason to hang out with her. She could be their drug-buddy confidante, a "cool chick" everyone wished were better looking. You know the type: looks like Janeane Garofalo and curses like a man. And since most of her clientele was wasted, some would even fuck her every now and again.
Kas wasn't a nervous insecure wreck like the average drug monkey; she was just overstimulated. Her ADD and amphetamine crippled brain pinballed between a seemingly endless variety of inane topics: discussions of jam bands she'd toured with, celebrities she'd run into in LA and gobs of pop culture trivia. She was half granola chick, half starfucker. Kas was the only person I'd ever seen compare Bob Weir to Madonna. "Bobby was always reinventing himself on stage. Madonna went through her Marilyn stage; Bobby went through his short shorts stage." Listening to her was like slowly turning the dial on a radio playing at full blast. Kas never made a stitch of sense. She'd gulp massive hits from her cigarettes between exhortations and just keep going, like some wired beatnik poet riffing stream of consciousness gibberish. Kas didn't speak to or with you. She spoke at you, oblivious to the fact that no one but her was talking. Kas couldn't leave empty air in a conversation. She needed the white noise of her own grating hoarse baritone to fill every possible moment. I wasn't surprised she avoided leaving any contemplative moments in a conversation. If she stopped to think for a second, she'd be forced to confront the fact that people were only smiling and listening because she had a bag of white powder they wanted.
Kas was the "friend/dealer" who is invited to parties because she has the drugs. She's a lot like the clients you see at the firm Christmas party. Most of them are there because a partner wants to make sure some other lawyer across town isn't filling his cash cow with Dewars and buttering him up for business. He wants to protect his investment. He's got a lot of sweat equity in that round little GC shoveling shrimp and crab cakes into his pie hole. Just like you can't tell that GC, "We just need you for the money," when he asks where the firm will be holding the Christmas party this year, we couldn't tell Kas, "We just want the drugs," when she called to find out what we were doing on Friday night. We had to pretend that there was some sort of personal connection, that we wanted to hear about her meeting Marky Mark in Fred Segal and catching four Aquarium Rescue Unit shows in a row. We had to say "fucking awesome" in response to her stories the same way I now say "fucking awesome" when I watch a client hit a 180-yard, limp-wristed slice. Kas wasn't stupid enough to think we'd have her over if she didn't bring the drugs, and the client at your Xmas party isn't dumb enough to think you'd invite him if he weren't pumping retainers into you three or four times a year. But if we were to admit the true nature of the relationship, if we were to say that it was really just commerce, we'd never get the product we wanted. I always laugh when I read advertisements for CLE courses on substance abuse in the legal field. Every one of them takes the position that the field pushes lawyers to drugs. They never consider how many people who already used drugs, who learned how to use people like Kas, just figured law was the next natural rung on the career ladder. If you know how to use people and you're good at it... if you get what you want from people... if you can get people to go as far as risking jail for you... why not get paid for it? Law is just the next logical step for the aimless college-educated dopehead.
To her credit, Kas delivered fantastic product. Most of the blow my roommate Lewis got was cut with baby laxative, ephedrine and speed. It was a jittery, nasty high. Finding yourself sweating on a toilet while straining a bowel movement in the midst of blow neuroses is as close to Hell on Earth as it gets. You could go at any moment. The heart races, the intestines cramp, you strain and stare at the door, praying none of the other fiends slam it open looking for a place to cut some bumps. Don't let me die here, not like this, not lying in piss in Down Dog position with my unwiped ass in the air. Quality coke takes you up sharply and drops you like a rock. It doesn't burn your nose and keep you flying for three hours like the cheap shit. That doesn't mean it's weaker or less dangerous. You cannot play with strong blow the way you might with shoddy dust. Cheap Face Draino might make you stay up all night and want to kill yourself, but strong coke, the kind Malibu Kas always brought, might actually kill you.
"Kas has some Mexican connection who gave her a huge block of this crazy strong Peruvian shit. Like three eight-balls’ worth. This is going to be a balls-out weekend," Lewis bleated into the telephone.
This concerned me. I had a houseful of people I didn't really know visiting. My aim was to meet women. I'd dodged Alex and his sheet of acid, which would have turned the affair into a full on freak festival. But now I had to contend with a house full of blow fiends marching around, wiping their noses, clogging the bathrooms and making everyone uneasy with non-stop high speed idiotic conversations. And I had to contend with probably being one myself. I did not want to find myself spending the night in the blow room at my own party, but I knew it was inevitable. There is no better place to be. Whatever you've ever done in your life - scaling Everest, winning the lottery, a three way with Norwegian swimsuit models - none of it felt as good as the first ten minutes after sucking a line into your head. I didn't need that sort of distraction. I had to meet a woman. It was desperate. The escort ads in the Yellow Pages were beginning to look attractive.
I realized there was a strong chance this party was going to run off the tracks. I could smell it. I had a sense for these things. Some people can't wait for the weekend. Some claim to live for the weekend. I actually only live during the weekend. The person you meet during the work week isn't me at all. It's a low rent, half assed version of me, running on four, sometimes six of eight cylinders. I'm friendly, cordial and polite. I'll make pleasant small talk. I might laugh a few times and even say something that sounds inspired, possibly really funny. But I'm phoning it in. To see me operate on a full capacity, you'd have to run into me on a day off, outside of the office, when my personality returns.
After my honeymoon people asked what was the best part of getting married. They smiled and said things like, "Young love, I remember that," or, "Bet you were so relieved to be done with that wedding preparation stuff." I nodded and smiled. How could I say, "I was thrilled because that was probably the only time in the next decade, barring a massive heart attack, I would get three straight weeks away from the goddamned prison you and I toil in?" How could I politely say, "My joy at not having to be in the office actually eclipsed the joy of getting married?" They'd report me to associate development. Some androgynous ex-lawyer counselor would show up at my door with a notepad. "I've heard some troubling things about your attitude. I'm concerned you may be depressed." Actually, I think the word you're searching for is 'human'.
Because I live exclusively on the weekend, I know it far better than most. I know every minute of those 60 hours. I know the elation of leaving on Friday at 6:00, if I'm lucky, and the immediate serotonin burst from that first happy hour drink. I know the pain of watching the clock tick away on Sunday night, as you move to the small hours - 11:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. - when the 60 hours are up, when the ulcer kicks back in, when you realize you're eight short hours from another five days chained behind that fucking desk.
Yes, I know the weekend. I understand it, and I respect its unpredictable nature. You can have the most detailed plans for the best weekend of the summer, and two cancellations from friends on a Friday at 2:00 p.m. turn your weekend into 60 hours of dead air. You can have no plans at all, and just stop off for one quick drink with a friend, which turns into four, which turns into travel, which turns into a quest, which can take you somewhere you'd never even known existed 9 hours ago while you were packing your briefcase to catch the 6:17 home. You can suddenly find yourself sitting in a BYOB strip joint, throwing crumbled $1 bills at a 19-year-old blonde with a fresh caesarian scar. You can find yourself in an emergency room, nursing a black eye and a broken nose. Or you might get lucky. You might find yourself sharing a nightcap with a cute blonde, sitting in a clean loft, with clean furniture, a clean bathroom and clean sheets. You could meet your true love, or you could find yourself calling for strippers at 4:00 a.m. from the kitchen of home you don't recognize. All of these very different endings have one common thread: you did not expect them when you walked out of work at 6:00. The weekend is like a bottle rocket. The only thing you know is it starts with the bottle. From there, its direction, its trajectory, its destination, that's anybody's guess.
I had to get a handle on Lewis and the coke whores before the party, to assert some semblance of control. "Look," I told him, "don't freak these chicks out with that shit."
"It's my fucking house," he groused.
"Do you have to be constantly selfish? Just keep that shit quiet. I don't know these fucking people."
As usual, Kas arrived early. A thin, white kid with dreadlocks who introduced himself as Reggie, and a couple of mute stumpy brunettes in tie-dyed shirts followed in her wake. I said hello and shook their hands, but none of them said anything. Not a hello, not a pleasantry, not a grunt. They just looked at me then stared at the floor. Just what we need - a couple of dead bodies and a white rastafarian. The classic "dead body" is a young, perpetually baked introvert. They tag along with drug monkeys like Kas, sucking scraps like cuttlefish trailing a shark. Dead bodies just sit on the couch, sucking on joints and sipping beers, offering nothing to the conversation, afraid to engage in any interaction - terrified of being asked any question they'd have to think about, or being dragged into an aggressive debate. Hiding in their heads would be fine if they were doing it in their own homes, but they don't stay home. They show up at your house, take up your couch space, flip through your Dylan and Traffic discs and mutter to one another. The only time I ever heard one speak was to ask me for some obscure microbrew I obviously did not have.
"Well, it's the greatest beer. I had at it Red Rocks."
I glared at the kid. "I saw the Allmans at Red Rocks. Do you see them here?"
Kas and Lewis promptly got to work hoovering themselves into red-eyed, babbling frenzies.
"Need one?" Lewis asked.
"Jesus, no. It's fucking seven."
"I have some mushrooms. You should take those," Kas offered.
This was beginning to sound like a "too much" weekend. I knew that there was no stopping or controlling the evening, which would undoubtedly spin out of control. Once we'd sent out the invite, we'd signed on for the full tour.
"Yeh, gimme 'em. These'll keep me away from that white stuff." It seemed an entirely logical decision - the right thing to do. I can't expect to control freaks unless I'm on the same page.
The phone rang about a half hour later. It was Alex. "Hey, guess what? The last team didn't have enough guys. Forfeit. I should be there around ten. Do you have any Jack? I'll need some Jack to calm me down. This beer isn't going to work. I'll be tattooed to the ceiling soon."
"Great," I said aloud, as convincingly as I could. Shit, now I have to deal with that monkey.
Alex's call brought dread. I was in the trough of a huge wave which would be peaking in less than two hours, in my house... and there was nothing I could do about it. Wallace's speech came to me again. "You can't mix both of your worlds."
"Hey, hey, are you listening?" Alex bellowed over the voices of drunken hockey players screaming around him.
"Yes."
"Do you mind if the team comes? We'll bring another keg," he blustered through the receiver.
"Sure, why not?" This is no wave. I'm facing a perfect storm.
the kiss of I would understand. at 3:38 AM .

Sunday, June 04, 2006

national stadium. today is global day of prayer. pentacle SUNDAY AHAD.

jsut got home. uplosded some photos. national stadium is a place filled with fond memories. =) fro mallth echeering to the ndp. haha and even now i m in the parade. yeah but today GDOP was held in nat stadium. msot churches came to worship the lord together. to bless the nation and ask for forgiveness. seein that u are not alone . ppl from every corner. everyone wonderfully and fearfully make. everyone unique with flaws and strength. that a plan exists for us all to lead meaningful lives. yeah

i wanna lead a meaningfu llife. i wanna be the best healer i can be. the best doctor. to be counted. as asomeoen who will be respected and loved for saving the lives of others. not thru knowledge soley but thru spirit and personality. thru GOD's grace.=)

i want my frens to see GOd. to have signposts and turning points placed for them i ntheir lives. that upon acceptin christ they will see so much more in life. i wanna be stronger in faith. and consecrate my life daily to him.i hae long accepted that life is filled with stress. i m startin to believe the ycan be conquered. yeah the gift we have is choice. no habbit cannot be broken no addiction cannot be killed.

well took train home with flavian. walked along way to kallang.. flavian reminds me of i unno who.

anw today was nice. after service went running with the netwerk guys. all those takin part i ntri except me. josh was fast. yeah we ran abt 8 clique. but josh is the fittest guy in sg anw. haha ndu ppl.

sigh i need to run man. alot faster. must werk on my pacing finishings and many more basics.

tsk tsk.

saw josh;s photographs. naval and so on. not fair he can take so many zai photos. i guess thats the thign wit hregulars,they can do ath.
ha i cant even bring a cam hp to camp.

i think photos speak alot. when m yfrens come to my hse i be showi nof fmy photos too. jap trip thai trip. photos remember the proudest moments in a person's life esp when the yare beautifully captioned. anyhowi really admire the nice sunset sun rise picts of josh.. truly a sailor man. haha

zzzz
the kiss of I would understand. at 9:03 AM .

Saturday, June 03, 2006

haha i m storm! my mutatnt abilities. my whole bunk has different abilities haha. timothy has the ability to chao keng. wei zhe can chao keng without getting caught. eugene can act cute. kok hao can gro hair really fast lol. and i m storm. when i m angry the breeze will come lol.

oh no i cut off my side burn. really sstupid. i tht the warre nwas comin to inspect as usual one of my powers is growing side burns rapidly. so i went to self shave. its so str and inbalance and ugly now. i look like i m wearin a cap of natural hair. argh. i dun want to see anyone haha.

intereting week. i m takin up malay now. self study. yeah i found this jap - malay guide book inthe library. so cool i m gonna use my third lang to study a 4th lang. ooh i think its impt cos i rmb many malay patients esp the elderly durin my attachments and yeah there is really no other way to communicate with them.

nights out this week was interesting went swimming on the 1st night, yeah night swimmin so fun. but oni swam abiut, and i ate alot alto! haha i came in second this week's run. a lot more challengers now. i ve decided that i ll try cross in nus? hmm who ami kiddin. yeah but wil lsee how. recreational i hope. i really lookin forward to uni life so bad man.

the nsecond night i met huiling for dinenr. total blurbloc me said meet at west mall at jurong east! argh west mall is at bukit batok. so we were at two different stations. and naming the land marks for half an hr haha sill yme. she said go between jollibean and kfc. west mall oso have jollibean and kfc lol! yeah joker. she bht me a blue sweater from hk. ha anw i failed. she asked mi abt GOd and why i suddenly return i wasnt able to ans her. she sounded like me. last time. iguess it isnt. she said ihow can every one else go to hell jsut cos they are not willin to accept christ. but i guess thats not the point. at teh end of the day its a life style we are subscribin to. a standard. and yeah its not so much a bt hell. i m sure there is companionship there too . its is just the chanccet o look at things differently where u be thankful most of teh time rather than feel lusty and ungrateful. never contended. when u have god u just count every blessin. i may hatet parades. btu i believe god gave me cloud cover. see thats a point i ll never, most certainly overlook in the past. yeah sth lidat. i guess iu fail. susah la. not easy.

i saw quite alto of vj ppl at west mall these days thats really RARE. hais

last night i wentout with anotehr fren too.
she well fro mcity harvesttried to brign me to church b4. i guess her character is somewhat like me. tho i refrain fro mthe word hormonal.she tried to take her like 35 panadols and wine. exam strss adn cant taker mum's scoldings. feelin really low . sounds so familiar. but its jsut addictive. and thrill seekin i used to do it wit hmy wrists hais so it was depressin to hear allthat. esp when shes doin A's this yr. i tried to cheer her up all night. she jsut got from a hosp checkup.she was in icu with her stomach pumped and all. hais. we wwalked fro morchard to dhoby to smu to nat library to bugis to esplanade to clarke quay and to raffles station. haha really quite a distance.

the n i booked in for ths night. so sad most ppl went home but i stay too far to go home.

and i met edmund at ndp parade today. mr. ndu. how i miss shc and trg. i told ber. and it ovccur to mi how likely one is to meet their juniors in ns..very likely. yesh see greg edmund hahai met them all. even my poseur ogl is an officer at my camp. oh no haha

my eyes are really red. i really m glad to be home. i miss home so much. where my hp and ipod are next to me. they make me so happy. where my dearest mummy is. hais i want to get out of this wilderness. i feel that i m blur everyday. it really is almost prison like no matter how u look at it. god of the mundane. makes it all bearable iguess.

small prob with the book in book out ic boo kthing hais. qutie screwed but small matter not worth the blog space.

hope my leave gets thru.next week. my cell leader alr paid the money.

i m still in a good mood i guess, but i dun feel like talkin to pp lanymore. no one understands.
You are the oni one who makes me happy. but u re gonna leave me soon. sob sob.

i look forward to tml. hah just wish my hair wasnt so screwed.

oh and i have to do my ns essay haha.
the kiss of I would understand. at 6:51 AM .

Mr. Curiosity

the Nick aka zhipeng

270787
EPPS VS MOELC VJC NUS MED =)
ngzp_87@hotmail.com
run from pain and swim in dreams
yume wa itsumo sora takaku aru

Float
on a day like this, when the world caves in

Your Deejay

My Oxygen Molecules

Ben. P
Candice
Carol
Desmond
Evelyn
Kai Ping
Huiling
Pavel
Rui
Ruo
Sarah
Sky
Yafen
Livingstones

My Endorphins

Nippon
Thailand 1
Thailand 2
Swimming!
Farewell assembly!
Natsu matsuri!


My Metabolic Waste

February 2006

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June 2006

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