Onaji sora shita

this life is made of endless incompletes
well at least thats the case for nick ng.

an interesting day. i spent most of it alone. observing ppl. something i reckon i be doin and have been doin for a good part of my life.
life is an inevitable series of cycles. i observed the ppl set up their shops today. the seven eleven store keeper the bakeries. hmm which makes me wonder if there is ath wil lbreak routine. some ppl bury themselves in routine. some ppl lives lives so busy such thatit doesnt look liek a routine but it really is. rush here rush there.

and i met this actress who lives in pasir ris. rushing too. celebrity. ha lives ppl supposedly look to at least in some countries. but i l lbeg to differ. its a routine as well. so once in a while we go on a holiday. yeah i cant anymore there is no more june hols //awww

but anw i recko nthat few things make routine bearable. number one is music. or entertainment number two is catchin up with ppl .spreading love. serving us. with human interaction life wouldnt be too routine. i hardly blog wit hgd english and proper punctuation haha.

and my day was incomplete. i woke u pearly to help eugene do his appeal. i dint complete cos i had to rush to buy assessment books for my students and then i went t o the gym. therte wasnt enuf f time i couldnt do my usual sets. ha but i havent gymed for half a yr! so yeah incomplete. no not bsb.

from a distant memory, the sun threatened to fry nick. and spoil his milk. or at least pasteur claimed the ehat would. a particualr character had RSAF printed on his shirt.

i tht abt it. haha yafen;s sis ;s bf.. whoa wad a relationship. qin logn said we had alot in comon. but i dd not always want to be a doc. i wanted to be a pilot. and a doc too. and my mum said if i were an actor i could be anyone. haha santa monica! but yeah its not viable insg. otherwise i be a celeb too lol.. my mum wanted me to do theatre. which was pretty cool. i wanted to be a singer and model. but looks where;s that headed. nowhere i m to oshort lol. but i m happy. i m really glad that i have a chance to be an isha.

spoke to wai jia last night. for quite a lot.i never imagined speaki nto her online. but well it was nice. iu said i missed sch and enjoyed studyin. she said studyi nwas a form of escapism and pp ltend to lose sight of wads real. hmm and children in nepal du nget t ostudy. well yeah but i enjoy studyin. ppl oni lose sight when they are too obsess with gettin the grades. if u like wad u do u will automatically do well, i guess. i never studied so much for grades tho exams were impt but i really liked the subjects i took.. and its oni with education can we nto be like the children in nepal. that we can offer them help. yeah.

bro came back. said chinese was tough.

watched xmen. oh no. how?

haha tht it was pretty cool. tho thansk to my dearest frens. i knew the whole story b4 watchin haha. yeah i shouldnt think its the last show. hope not.. haha oh no i ll miss mystique. haha

the kiss of I would understand. at 11:28 PM .

woke up to the tune of jerk it out his morning. dancey mood.
hmm today;s itinery is pretty plain haha. sit ard use comp go to werk. maybe go gym? or run but feeli nlazy alr. haha
ok wil lhelp my fren now=)

Wind me up
put me down
start me off and
watch me go
I'll be running circles around you sooner than you know
A little off center and i'm out of tune
just kickin this can along the avenue
But i'm alright

coz it's easy once you know how it's done
you can't stop now it's already begun
you feel it running through your bones
and you jerk it out
jerk it out

shut up hush your mouth
can't you hear you talk to loud?
No I can't hear nothing 'cause I got my head up in the clouds
I bite off anything that I can chew
I'm chasing cars up and down the avenue
But that's ok

coz it's easy once you know how it's done
you can't stop now it's already begun
you feel it running through your bones
so you jerk it out
jerk it out

the kiss of I would understand. at 5:47 PM .

i havent watched xmen haha but watchin with not one but two babes on tues. my life rocks haha.
i hope i wun be breakin any rules. hah i hope got enuff time tho i doubt it.

my bro has his olevels chinese exams tomorrow. which reminds me
haha chinese sigh one of those exams where u take it for the sake of taking. i rmb how i used to struggle.memorise every single thing. no love for the subject at all. always oni scrapin by during the impt exams. failin aallelse. yeah. but i love chinese. love speakin it and all. jsut hated lessons and exams haha. who lieks exams man? i worry for my bro he seems pretty nervous. nvr seen the big guy this roughed up b4. pray for him. hais. think i ll announce my pray list soon aka list of things to pray for. alot alot alot. btu meanwhile i m content i m not bein greedy.

i really enjoyed today;s sermon. yeah even tho the pastor stil lreminds me of nigel. *shudders* yeah but the sermon was abt jerbez. whose name meant pain. and how his life prob wasnt fantastic but he prayed an outstandin but simpel enuf to understand prayer. a prayer that doesnt complicate. a prayer that i say everyday actualli. hah ahow honourable.
BLess me expand my territory, protect me from evil everyday. or at least thats wad my memory served.

yeah jerbez prayer.

dear lord
i pray
for my brother, that he will do well. his best. that he wil lhave clarity of mind and calmness as he attempts his paper. that nothign wil lstop him from achieving his dreams. that he will feel fine and confident to excel on the day father bless him that all his hard werk can pay off eventualli. take away all the distraction in his life. hel phiom to be a fine young man. protected from evil spirits. bles him father to seek righteousness and put other s before himself.

father , bless my mum that as she resigns fro mthis job that it will be a choice supported by u. that u ll provide her with even better means. bless her and watch over her as she go abt her day's activities. that she will not be afraid. and her health wil lbe strong oh lord that she wil lpul lthru each day with strength. that her children will do her proud and honour her. that her medical report will leave her mind at ease father thank you for the wonderful mum u have given me. for she has seen me thru all my darkest times.

father thank yo ufor all u have given me my frens my cell, my chance to be a doctor father i commit myself int our hands.that u ll decide wads best for me whether i get to disrupt NS or not. fathr help mi to grow stronger infaith to seek u always. to not have doubts or result t oanger. hep mi to stay cheerful father .to be a source of joy to my frens and eveyroen ard me. bless me father to achieve my dreams. to be able to touch lives of more ppl to vlunteer for red cross or any other events wehre i can contribute ppl. teach me to love others and feel for them. grant me wisdom and destroy my negative thts. help mi to stay in touch and cherish every single one of my frens. that i ll not forget them father. help mi to grow strong mentally and physically. let me run first this week. let me achieve greater heights.let me seek rightneousness to learn that the battle is ongoing and never never sucumb to temptations.

father bless all those ard us wh oare less fortunate. bless the nations at war the nthey wil lseek u and the best in mankind will surface. that the lives of ppl will be reconstructed in java and east timour. that ppl will stop the fightin and come to their senses. father be there for them as u have been here with us all. protect the woman and children and stop harm's path in their way.

thank you lord bless the lonely heart=)

in jesus's most precious name AMEN.

yeah this was wad i tht abt prayin for seriously today.=) bless me use all MY Ts to do good, and always always be humbled or humble. =)

i wanna be mystique leh. then i can be anyone i wanna be. i can be a cape crusader, space invader u wouldnt knwo th e difference. but first let me be karamajit hahhaha

the kiss of I would understand. at 5:06 AM .

my beloved tokeii. i love my mum relli.
listening to third eye blind now.
haha there is this song about GOD of wine callin out.

which reminded me of timothy my new GOD of slack. haha super lucky. today;s parade was not that strengthnous. firstly it threatened to rained(which it did eventualli) and we had mnay breaks. haha but nonetheless tiring still. haha yeah timothy is the god of slack cos somehow he manages to abdicate all his duties haha and when he eventualli shows up, the weather so favours him haha. alright pardon me god here is not the lord haha its humor.

i m goin to break a record. tml is pay day! my mum fixed my beloved watch! i ll tell u abt the watch later. haha and yeah i am stil lhigh from the YLL news. i havent been is such an esoteric mood since forever. haha yeah since sec three. since that beloved tokeii of mine came into my life!!
its amazing how i get sentimental over material objects. but yeah i m a super sentimental guy. i wouldnt bare to throw away the packagin of belongings i love. i refuse to dump my oldest headsets and wadeva junk.so much my mum often accuse me of bein a junk collector. i m sosentimental that every tissue packet i used in jp i still keep.haha

overseas is best eh. yeah i havent been this happy in my lifesince jp. it seems nth can get me down. i shant think abt NS disruption. if it happens it happens if not i ll still lift my head high and be happy. yeah! the oni reason that i forsee eventualli bringin me down is the end of this period. when i leave my bestest grp of frens in ns thus far, kay eugene weizhe zhi yong peeris bunk one., and xie min (most of the time) i wish we would stay close and visit each othe r every CNY in fyuture. wah siao mr nick is thinkin so far. but yeah my dad keeps up with his NS fren or buddy till this day. every cny our families visit each other. (xie min is controversial i mena i thk he is a nice guy i wanna be frens with. esp cos he reminds me of my most beloved senior minister thus far. haha he really looks like pm goh haha) yeah but sometimes he cant speak too well a tad tactless but he is nice la. and anw he siad he think i come from a line of gd looking ppl.. lol oops. we are all vain creatures.

yeah my mood is so good i feel i can do ath. esp now i ve my watch. part of my mojo leh. haha my sch bag pencil case track suit swimmiin trunks shoe bag sling bags wallets haha everythingis part of my mojo haha accordin to kay.

i feel so happy with all the congratulations and compliments. kay said i m his idol. lol oh well. and then my swimmin junior. my dearest shao sheng who i really love told mi that im his ultimate role model. cos hid dream is to be a doc too some day haha. yeah he is a realyl cute and cool guy. at least for an IP student eeks. haha.

smile! is the second best thing to do with ur lips. haha no prize for guessin the first. smile because no one needs it as much as those who has none. haha yeah human beings are amazing. its amazing how seeing an old posession of mine coming back to life totally gets me high. my dearest tokeii. and its amazing how we continuosly try so hard for happiness when its somethign that should come naturally right. but no. human beings are by nature sad beings. they do ath to taste that amt of joy. forgve my wired logic. sigh i guess we all want to live forever in the happy moments. and perhaps if we are always happy we wil ltry to look for sadness.

seeki nthe alternative always.

yeah so guards or wadeva bring it on. ahha they are the best unit this yr!i should get my one week off. haha cheers to being an overwerked infantry underpaid commando.

the kiss of I would understand. at 7:38 AM .

my mood is gd enuff to do another entry for some reason.
had a great chat with an ol friend haha a few old frens to be accurate. today is one of those days i had die for.

i heard that the rjc girl wit htongue cancer passed away. hm i feel really sad.

i cried that day after readin the straits times.

oh well..
my junior shao sheng is really funny.

i m thinkin alot abt taog nowadays.
abt how he must be feelin now. is he hurt?
it doesnt pay to put ppl down. cos in the end
u may not get the last laugh.

sigh mercy on us all.

my 6 th consecutive day of happiness. GUARDS = respect lol.

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:15 AM .

my blog is the colour of GUARDS
haha i got posted to guards. so cool jsut what i always wanted;)
no serious. haha wear shit on my head haha. think its gonn a get physical.

i came in 3rd this week. the warren said got wadeva race next time i must represent signals. oh man. but oh well he was just sayin. hmm shouldi take part in osim? aaiyah but i really not in shape now. havent swam for so long. yeah better not.

have a DAY OFF today. so cool and u know y?
cos i volunteered to visit the red cross society home for the disabled.
20 of us. haha last minute. went there to clean the place up. then sang to them and fed them lunch. yeah interacted with many of them. the environment there is kinda nice. but well its not exactly conducive i feel. its those home with oni one doc or rather physio. and yeah a wide variety of disability. different ages. from muscular dystrophy to DS to cerebral palsy . this guy that i fed kept spittin all his porridge on my face. ha

but i sang with one guy from another platoon and ben p. from my platoon playi nthe guitar. was a flop cos we couldnt do many songs successfully. at 1st the insitute sergeant major seemed upset. but well we never prepared. vbut eventualli we managed to pull off a few songs and evryone clapped. it was like relieve phew.haha but yeah these are the sort of events where no matter how bad u sound ppl will stil lcheer. u just need to keep the darlie smile.

hmm i wonder if ill get to disrupt. but at leasti know my dream is comin true. i can be a doctor. the big buck s or so the ysay is in specialisation. but i dunno if thats wadi have in mind hahaof cos its all too early. but i was thinkin of bein a residential doc at some home or seriously go to africa. hha yeah

but nvm huh see how things go. i hope to excel and i know i ll bcos GOD loves me.

and this is one of the new songs i sang to a public audience haha or sorta.

I read a note my grandma wrote back in nineteen twenty-three.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me.
He said,"Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I loved your Grandma so."
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.

Get married in the first town we came to, and live forever.
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet, instead
Of her, I found this letter, and this is what it said:

If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down,
darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away,
In the doorway of a church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray.
I know I'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years;
But as he said these words to her, his eyes filled up with tears.

If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.
Between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.

wad if i have hep B? hhaa ok unlikely but well i dunno cant help but feel paranoid. tsk tsk. i guess all the dentistry and med prospective are feelin this way? ha ha ha. nonsense.

the kiss of I would understand. at 2:28 AM .

MY santana My sugar ray
i found the song to sing to u my dear!

someday
when my life has passed me by
i lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
one wayin the eyes of a passerby
i look around for another try and fade away

just close your eyes and i'll take you there
this place is warm without a care
we'll take a swim in the deep blue sea
i go to leave and you reach for me

somesay
better things will come our way
no matter what they try to say
you were always there for me

someway
when the sun begins to shine
i hear a song from another time and fade away
and fade away

just close your eyes and i'll take you there
this place is warm without a care
we'll take a swim in the deep blue sea
i go to leave and you reach for me

someone said you tried to long
someone said we got it all
someone said we tried to long
is there a place where i belong
so far so long
so far away
so far
so wrong
so far away

somdaywhen my life has passed me
byi lay around and wonder why you were always there for me

one way
in the eyes of a passerby
i look around for another try and fade away
and fade away

had dinenr with d. transformation indeed.
which reminds me of forging in forging out
haha ok i ve been doin too many crosswords puzzles today.

hais i want to help my brother really. i need help. maybe he will not do too bad eventually but right now i worry for him.

ok i have to see he s not mme. that expectations will be different. somehow he is just not there. i dunno i know he tries hard. maybe harder han me. i worry for him. its Olevels

"when DO Ur Exams end?"
they dont they never end. life is a series of tests. and waitin for letters.

i m waitin for a letter now.
meanwhile i m feelin rather gay about everything else.

has it occured to u that my nose is increasing in size lol.
u see ur nose is not like flour u cant mould it back.
so stop pickin ur nose
disgustin leh.

the kiss of I would understand. at 6:42 AM .

stil lfeeli nabsolutely happy!

a few of my frens have gotten it too

watched da vinci code with my mum
alot of talkin book nicer but oh well its a GOOD To watch
ha quote from my shawn

anw
yeah i wanna be a god pleaser.
stay clean
stay connected
stay cheerful!

the kiss of I would understand. at 9:16 AM .

Praise the lord
haha i got into the YLL sch Of MEdicine
i am so ahppy today i could fly. (fly away with thafauns)lol
i m in love with sue townsend's adrian mole
lol ok sattires are nice to read esp if they are abt uk my beloved united kingdom

parade wastiring i wasnt feelin well the whoel day. dread parades.; eats my saturdays messes up my plans.
but but but i am on a high today.
i so want to be DOctor Nick.

lalala
this week quite cool had an interbattionlion race or sorta
hha i came in 5th i started from the back.
ok there were sergeants leh

lol ok i m unfit now. i sran super slow. 5th is unacceptable but hell i completed 5km. so praise the lord
praisethe lord HE really answers my prayers
i asked for cloud cover durin the parade adn cool breeze and he gave it to mi!

my house is an oven now compareed to the stadium haha

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:45 AM .

i wanna get new skin.
today was quite fun played badminton iwth ben p. and shaneet
then had dinner with treeyard.

=) took so long to walk the walk.
but better late than never.

i wun always be so strong u know.

of course u do.

the kiss of I would understand. at 7:39 AM .

ndp rehearsal.
boy do i feel abandoned. i knwo im nto supposed to feel this way in fact i was feelin great. the thing sorta was over quickly and went smoothly. cloud cover came soon enuff and we were dismissed.

but the day is still a shitty one.
i feel so lonely now.

i m lsn my cool tooeasily. i m reacting againl today i kicked my fren in the stomach cos he was jut playin with me but i wasnt int hte mood. i really dislike this parade shit, i used to hk takin part itnthe parade woudl be cool but i guess it aint so.

and that i pulled my fren away fro ma fight that nearyl broke out.
its a day forcrows for more than one reason.

i jsut want t osleep adn not wake up on days liek this.

i met jerome ng. some of the cooler dudes of a fren i had i n vs.
he told me bk wasin ocs a nd resutls was quite gd.

i feel really happy for him dunno y. bk was tellin mi confidin me one day that he felt really down his results were nto getti nanywhere he isnot fit and he just feels lousy at everything. but now he is in ocs and eth. i feel happy for him

i guess GOd is beyond our comprehension. but meanwhiel i m nto superhuman.
and anger is second nature to me. i feel so frustrated.

the kiss of I would understand. at 1:41 AM .

i m rather easily moved to tears lately. cant pinpoint exactly why.
i watched poseido with my fam today. a very simple show abt a sinkin ship and how a fw individuals, determined to live made their way out.

DId u know that an earlier version of the show was made and was screenin in one of teh cinemas of the actual titanic when titanic was abt to sink. the ppl then tht the movie was so great adn the effects were so real when they saw water enterin their cinema. haha. go on ve a laugh, its true acc to sergeant edgar.

yeah i liked the show's acting. it showed very human behaviours to life and death situation. the web of complex human relationships entanglements is reflected. the reaction of ppl to situation is very real. thats the diff between asian and hollywood films. hollywood at least the gd shows really get ppl.
i was moved to tears a couple of time.

oh well jsut dumb. i was abt to tear when tom cruise was tortured on the chair with his "wife" strapped opposite. ha and it made me think abt the research that two apes previously unassociated. when one is totured in a cage for the other to see. the other will react agressively before crying.

oh well so much for my nonsense siao eh!
i sang k box today. it wasnt very fun. i got a swollen tongue. ulcer and a few on my lips. it was very painfu lto pronounce properly. everytime i thk abt t ongue i thk abt tongue cancer and the strong rgs rj gal i read in the papers. i cried after readin it.

i m such a softie these days. issit religion

got rain got wind got rainbow my dear kay.
too bad oi m not gay
so stop askin me abt my orientation
u weirdos
who add me cos u thk i m who i m not
i m a clown
but the very bvest i can do is frown
at myself
while the rest of the world cheers
i guess thats all that is impt

i think i m stilla good man.
right?

i love u. enough.

the kiss of I would understand. at 4:54 AM .

i used to have so much hair.
fwah body achin all over lots of wounds.

haiyo y y ? y must i rehearse for ndp paradey msut i be invloved? a soldier must be proud to serve?hais but all day long all i do is menial mundane task sweep the floor move furniture. wad happened to my unit?
wad happened?

and in spite of all these i have t oreschedule so many things u know how many lives i affect hais

sic i rellay dislike parade perspirin for no reason at all.
adn i must rmb that god is there. i should not lsoe my cool.
that He is teh god of my exciting times as well as my mundane times. and he ll help mi pul lthru each painful day.

sigh i used t odo so much juggle so much in a day never in my life have i spent so much time starin into blank space of nothingness.

help.

the kiss of I would understand. at 8:37 AM .

day off!
this is wad goes o nwhen i m in camp. sigh. the world

went t ontu for scholarship interview. hmm wasnt very pleasant i feel. as in hteinterview.
hais never mind . pls god pls let me get int omed in nus. i want to be doctor.
haha

future seems t obe unfoldin this month. everything may change.
NS may be put to a temp stop haha
or not then go to new camp or unit.
yeah future this mth is crucial.

crispina, hmm never had a gd impression of her. well i use to never have a gd impression of anyone. right i used to judge ppl alot. so met her at the interview today,
was contemplatin whether or not to say hi. but did anw.

hmm well she was really friendly fortunately.
and yeah we went t ohave lunch at billy bombers ha thanks to her voucher and after that took the train homw from boon lay! the other end of my beloved country.

ha lives intermingle all the time in the strangest way. whether it is in the unknown future or the past.
its amazing how connected ppl really ah tho they have barely spoken a word to each other. for starters every living human bein harness the same darn fear.
rejection, loss, denial. pretence.

but anw its best that things are brought into the open.

i missed my cert presentation but i m countin that its not much.
bleh.

departure entails that u hurry up and tell or say whatever u have to before its too lat.ebut is it ever too late. i asked for a sign. it said if u love her tell her.
ok
but wad if i cant live up to it. wad f i m not bold enuff ok bold is nto the right word.

i dunno it all seems uncertain. so if things are meant to be they are meant to be. meanwhile my dear fren i ll jsut appreciate wad little time we might have left . my dear little fren.

sigh its a stony day and my imagination is rtunnin wild. my sense of humor is goinup. for sense of humor.. the wordsi used at intertviews ever so often. if u ask mi sense of humor is a facade cos all clowns are really unhappy ppl.

there aint no happy joker.
so let me juggle for u to laugh.

my eyes are givin me problem again.
history repeats itself.

ima doko e iku ga ii?

no its not history.

the kiss of I would understand. at 5:00 AM .

Nick the dick is still very much in love with himself oops.
sigh should i? i havent done this in a long time lhe. osim triathlon?
quite crazy right?
so unfit now. hmm ok its oni the swimmin part that i will do but still wad if i dun finish haha.

the kiss of I would understand. at 3:49 AM .

feels like a a long time since i thinked about anything else.
commit the rest into HIS hands

medicine interview wenyt rather smoothly i feel.
yeah thk chances are high. but hard to say there are many gd ppl out there. yeah
i wanna be doctor ng nick.

ifeel thankful for many blessigns and much happier these days.
course is ending at last. may go unit soon.
hopefulli can disrupt? its alrite even if cant.
i feel really blessed.everything thus far ahas been perfect.
really thankful for allthe frens and experences life has given me.

esp for the DSA ppl. see cheogn in particualr.for helpinm e get the documents. for letti nme have much to talk abt durin my uinteview.

always i l l PRAise the LOrd.

ha actualli i have alot to say. i wanna talk abt the interview.
the interviewers seemed really pleased.
i wana talk abt how my course is endin and the great frens i ve meade who really i dunno they really love me for that i feel blessed. my dearest bunk 1 all of weizhe kay eugene everyone of them

never tht i actuali be happy ever since the day i found out i cant go command sch i thk its a blessing.

i m thankful for my cell church and esp jeremy! for being there for me answerin my questions and givin mi confidence. helpin me allthe way,

yeah cannot be luckier.

thankful to my tuition jobs for the perfect timings. and the nice parents who really tsake care of mi.
thankful for hte extra income.

thankful for time available to spend with my mum.

right i m different. a tad scary. but i m still narcissistic hjaha i ll show u .

the kiss of I would understand. at 9:52 AM .